August 31, 2007
Dishonorable Mention
Some leftovers suggested by the commentariat for the burgeoning and unloved genre Shit Rock (Category 1). I didn't always select the most obvious examples, but the meaning is clear: they'd do anything for a buck:
Infatuation by Rod Stewart: Certainly Rod the Mod's decline had begun long before this, but in this song, he's barely even singing. And he looks about as ridiculous with that perm as anyone I've ever seen.
Sacrifice by Elton John: The depths to which he would plunge (Disney theme songs, for God's sake) were still to come, but this silliness of this synth-laden, drippy offering is only matched by his hat.
Never Let Me Down by David Bowie: The Thin White Duke apparently doesn't have some sort of royalty-based immunity. Forgot about this one, didn't you?
Can't Stop Falling In Love by Cheap Trick: As painful as it is to say, given the brilliance of their few three or four albums, most of the 80s output of Cheap Trick could constitute a virtual wing of the Shit Rock (Category 1) Hall of Fame.
Call of the Wild by Deep Purple: I actually prefer the annoying voice-overs from the (rather inventive) video to the absolute slab of dying mediocrity that's playing. If only Deep Purple felt the same about albums in the mid-80s as they did about videos.
Wasting My Time by Jimmy Page: Snore. The 80s, all things considered, were not kind to my once-favorite guitarist and producer of all time.
Man, I'm exhausted. Not from typing this, but from watching the fallen greats. I think things will pick up in terms of gleeful vitriol when we can all start piling on the bands and artists that have always sucked in Shit Rock (Category 2). Or, if you want, keep piling on the examples in the comments; I fear I've barely scratched the surface.
Rod Stewart apparently now sings American standards, and his songs invariably get played on the Singers & Standards music channel we have on cable. Every time his songs start to play, I think "Who's the lady with the crappy voice?" That's no lady, that's my Rod. Or something.
Elton is just crap. I spent years loving everything he did, but "Nikita" really pushed the limits. By the time "Sacrifice" and "Healing Hands" were released, I'd given up, and since I was a teenager with no taste in music, that's saying something. As far as I'm concerned, Elton John has ruined the few good things he did in the 70s with the tripe he's released since the early 80s. Songs like "I Am Your Robot" and a lethargic quasi-disco remake of "Johnny B Goode" are psychotically bad.
Posted by: Stacia at August 31, 2007 07:38 AMIt's always amazed me that a man who composed a decent pop tune like "Amoreena" -- the song that is the perfect accompaniment to the opening sequence of "Dog Day Afternoon" -- brought us the aural fungus that is "Crocodile Rock." Did anyone really ever like that song?
Posted by: kmb at August 31, 2007 07:52 AManything for a buck sounds about right.
Blue Oyster Cult - wtf?
Modern English - 4AD gets chirpy
Heart - top 10 for that year
Def Leppard - I had no idea mariah carey covered this
Thin Lizzy - included only because I think they're actually doing a bad version of "Brandy"
Wow, you found some real travesty material from Rod and Elton, good job!
I've never understood the alledged "brilliance" of Cheap Trick. I remember when their main claim to fame was that they opened for Kiss. Thus, anything they did after their alledged heyday, well, of course it's gonna blow.
Jimmy Page, ah, here's an example of someone resting on his reputation for, oh, 30 years or so. Good buddy of mine, pretty decent guitarist, saw Page numerous times over the years and commented on the slide into total pure sloppiness in terms performance. I bought Coverdale Page when it was released. Couple of good songs on it but nothing that keeps it in heavy rotation.
Posted by: scott at August 31, 2007 08:55 AMdude, you are staring straight into the abyss: it's like the end of 'pi'.
put the drill down, norbizness!
Posted by: dexter at August 31, 2007 10:29 AMIt's even worse when Shit Hop goes bad.
Posted by: Kevin Hayden at August 31, 2007 12:29 PMThin Lizzy - included only because I think they're actually doing a bad version of "Brandy"
You mean there was a good version?
Posted by: scott at August 31, 2007 01:34 PMCould we have a new phylum for the plague of earnest and talentless "singer/songwriters" that followed Bob Dylan? Billy Joel would be the type specimen and gets extra suck points for constantly crashing into innocent trees with his car. I understand this would draw a lot from the wuss rock category but I don't care.
Posted by: Lawnguylander at August 31, 2007 06:20 PM"Crocodile Rock." Did anyone really ever like that song?
Oh, sure. It taught all the fans of Wuss Rock how to rock again.
It's always amazed me that a man who composed a decent pop tune like "Amoreena" -- the song that is the perfect accompaniment to the opening sequence of "Dog Day Afternoon" -- brought us the aural fungus that is "Crocodile Rock." Did anyone really ever like that song?
Yes. My ex-fiancee and her mother both loved it.
Posted by: Fishbone McGonigle at August 31, 2007 11:08 PMFor consideration for either Shit Rock (Category Two) and/or Suck Rock:
Papa Roach:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXzIvPFduZ0
Seven Mary Three:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J54D8tQbsjk