August 08, 2007

Do Your Captions Have The Diabeetus?

For the first time in several months, I actually felt half-inspired in cobbling together this week's batch of captions. As for your directives: click on the thumbnails for a larger, context-revealing picture, caption and re-caption as many as you'd like (but especially #5), and tell me your favorites of mine or others in the comments. My favorite is #6, although the wording is a bit tortured.

1. Slim Goodbody is just a DNA test away from having another child support payment to make.

2. "... and he doesn't smell of bourbon like our non-Lego father!"

3. "Come with us to the Flea Market on Highway 81, Danny... we can shop for knick-knacks and doodads forever and ever and ever and ever..."

4. "And they cried out all at once, saying, away with this man, and release unto us Balboas!"

5. [Christian Theme Park Practice Picture!]

6. Aquatic researchers unlucky with the fairer sex conduct experiments designed to determine the extent to which a fish really would need a bicycle.

7. Say what you want, but it's the fastest growing church in Asia.

8. The NATO Wicked Witch Patrol doesn't fuck around.

9. And I keep telling you that Wilford Brimley can't be reincarnated as a lesser primate until he actually dies*!

10. Maybe you didn't hear me, kid. You're not going anywhere until you explain to me why your parents are sporting a "Visualize World Peace" bumper-sticker.

P.S. Doesn't anybody like Ax Da President(s) anymore?

* I love Wilford Brimley jokes (#3). Additional Brimley Variations are here, here, and here.




Posted by Norbizness at August 8, 2007 12:01 AM
Comments

Best. Captions. EVAR!

1. I like Theater In the Park, but Starlight Express?

2. "Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and he asks me to stick my head in a bucket of water."

3. A very cunning new tack is being taken with the Doublemint Sugar-Free gum ad campaign.

4. "Now, Mr. Stallone, you may find that these repeated Botox treatments will start to affect your skin differently."

5. "Why won't they let me in the park? I ditched the spear!"

6. "Oh. I thought I was trying out for the Schwinn team."

7. Just a hunch, but...maybe if you step back a little?

8. "Okay, the roof, the roof WAS on fire."

9. What do THEY speak for -- the shrubs?

10. "Are you with the Chavez administration? Get away from the car, kid; we can't be seen together!"

Posted by: HWRNMNBSOL at August 7, 2007 09:40 PM

1. Rae Dawn Chong in The Quest for Color Correction.

2. Something tells me Mel Gibson shouldn't have based his version of the David vs. Goliath story on the Brick Testament.

3. Not even the REDRUM goggles are gonna help them get laid.

5. "Hey, lady, did you see the punk who spray-painted 'Romanes eunt domus' around here? I told him if he didn't do it right 100 times by this sunrise I'd cut his balls off!"

6. Well, he didn't have time to train for both the swiming and biking legs of the triathelon.

9. Premium Lorax Steak -- It's what's for dinner.

Sorry, Norb, I was late for my narcanon meeting and couldn't register my love for Ax the President.

Posted by: arghous at August 8, 2007 01:28 AM

2. This is the last known photograph of the suspect with the three children, who were found crudely "snapped" together into a small spacecraft near the location.

Posted by: Barloxii at August 8, 2007 01:54 AM

#1. See these aliens.. these ones are friendly.. it's the little green men you have to be worried about.

#2. When they said you were built like a brick shithouse I thought they meant something more like.. oh nevermind.

#5. Well, being a method actor I draw on personal experiences when taking on any role.. so when I'm a centurion I think back to the time I was assistant manager in the toy department of a store I worked in, and had 2 workers under me that I had to watch and make sure they were doing there job properly.. it puts me in an authoritarian mood. That's why I'm so good.

#6. I guess this would be the dedacatathalon?

#8. No, you haven't been drinking.. it really is like that.

Posted by: Michelle at August 8, 2007 06:57 AM

I missed Axe Da President. Sorry, it somehow slipped by me and I'm typically a religious reader of it. In fact, I'm thinking of moving somewhere in the Bible Belt and starting my own church built around it. I'll get rich doing it too!

Posted by: scott at August 8, 2007 07:03 AM

Ok. Were you bumming Tic-Tacs offa Barry Bonds this week? Cause you hit these out of the freakin' park.

#3 in particular gave me a bad case of the "I'm-not-worthy's"

Best I can come up with for #5:

"Psst! Hey lady! Wanna see why they cast me as Longinus?"

Posted by: KnaveRupe at August 8, 2007 08:01 AM

5. "Are you talking to me?"

8. Up really is down now.

10. "Don't look at me! I said don't fucking look at me!"

Posted by: paperpusher at August 8, 2007 08:36 AM

#1, #3 = totally awesome.

Posted by: dex at August 8, 2007 09:11 AM

4. "DeNiro won't come? Well hell, let's say it's Rocky Balboa then. Stallone will show up for anything."

5. Despairing over his dead wife and children, Lucius Vorenus went through a very dark period during which he cut the throats of old women in wheelchairs.

8. After the end of his presidency, Bush took up a second career as an architect.

Posted by: Tom Hilton at August 8, 2007 10:03 AM

Your #3 is possibly the best caption ever. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the laugh!

Posted by: Nancy in Detroit at August 8, 2007 02:14 PM

5. Denied his monthly buggery ration, centurion Bob gets testy with the locals.

8. Conceptually challenged gamers gather around a lifesized katamari, so that they will finally "get" the video game.

9. "You see that? Hello Kitty is winking...at me!!!"

Posted by: nocturnation at August 8, 2007 04:06 PM