January 25, 2007
Encyclopaedia Taediosus Generica
Mmmmmmmmm... unsalted for me!
Since my semi-original writing is gathering comments like the Gobi desert gathers floodwaters, I thought I would try a new tactic to improve my 600:1 lurker to commenter ratio by trying out some generic conversation-starters:
-- "Hey! Somebody on a web site you've never heard of wrote something agreeable about somebody that you might have heard of, who were themselves offering an ill-advised and reactionary opinion about a current event. They are both fools of the highest order!"
-- "Wouldn't it be great if [charismatic celebrity or politician who has briefly captured headlines] ran for President? Yeah... I was thinkin' the same thing."
-- "Hey! Somebody who I don't respect and who never agrees with me on anything has just written something that I support, in that it mirrors my pre-existing outlook! Game, set, and match, powers that be!"
-- "Can you believe that corporate America does not separately regard me, a person of above-average intelligence, with the appropriate respect?"
-- [a post entitled "What The FUCK?!?" that reprints about 85% of an news article or opinion piece]
Either comment on these pressing, generic issues, come up with some of your own, or die tryin'.
Hey, pardner, try one of mine: (Air of world-weary detachment) This guy stupid is. Is stupid this guy. Guy stupid is this. OK, you get it: This guy is stupid. (Long, dolorous sigh)
Posted by: roy edroso at January 25, 2007 10:13 AM
When the distribution of material wealth supports the political will to comment on your blog, comments will appear on your blog.
And not before.
I would actually like to see Pelosi run for Preznit.
Oh no! My shadow! Another six years of lurking for me.
Posted by: Nick at January 25, 2007 10:30 AM-- "I received an email this morning that brought to my attention an important issue that we should all be concerned with..."
-- "Here is a unique and superlatively convincing argument that is so undeniably true, and compelling, it has almost unlimited potential to change minds... Oh wait, all my reader already agree on this, otherwise they wouldn't be reading it."
[Hey, your "600:1" beats my "zero." Could be worse, is all I'm saying.]
Posted by: Montag at January 25, 2007 10:30 AM"[Post expressing outrage about something that I just found out about but and think is current but actually happened 3 years ago and was discussed extensively at the time and turns out to be an urban legend anyway.]"
Posted by: Tom Hilton at January 25, 2007 11:07 AMVote for me! Bananas and treats for everyone! Koko eat terrorists! Koko eat oil company CEOs! Koko no fling propaganda!
Posted by: koko at January 25, 2007 11:08 AMDo I smell bacon?
No, really. I LOVE bacon!
You should have more bacon.
Posted by: just john at January 25, 2007 11:41 AM“Looks like those clowns in Congress have done it again. What a bunch of clowns.”
Posted by: Otto Man at January 25, 2007 12:07 PMCheck that preceding clown's IP. I think Stossel's in the hizzy!
Posted by: Travis G. at January 25, 2007 02:44 PMHow does Otto Man keep up with the news like that?
Posted by: FlipYrWhig at January 25, 2007 03:47 PMDon't. Praise. The Otto Man.
Posted by: norbizness at January 25, 2007 03:59 PM--The [recent actions] of [celebrity], especially the showing of [his/her] [appropriate naugthy bits], signal the [florid language about of the impending cultural and/or actual apocalypse]. Won't someone think of the [word for spawn]?
Posted by: Brando at January 25, 2007 04:23 PMDon't. Praise. The Otto Man.
Just for that, I'm not playing the Elephant Song.
Posted by: Otto Man at January 25, 2007 04:53 PM[Post about how liberals' irrational hatred of clowns proves they're just hypocritical bigots, using Otto Man's post as an example of all liberals everywhere.]
Posted by: Tom Hilton at January 25, 2007 04:56 PM"They are both fools of the highest order!"
Vitriolic pile-on comment!!1!!!
Posted by: mdhåtter at January 25, 2007 05:20 PM-- [a post entitled "What The FUCK?!?" that reprints about 85% of an news article or opinion piece]
Ouch! I resemble that characterization!
Ok, hmm, how about:
Posted by: binky at January 25, 2007 06:12 PM"Pitchfork yet again fails to recognize the true genius of..."
What The FUCK?!?
Encyclopaedia Taediosus Generica
Mmmmmmmmm... unsalted for me!
Since my semi-original writing is gathering comments like the Gobi desert gathers floodwaters, I thought I would try a new tactic to improve my 600:1 lurker to commenter ratio by trying out some generic conversation-starters:
-- "Hey! Somebody on a web site you've never heard of wrote something agreeable about somebody that you might have heard of, who were themselves offering an ill-advised and reactionary opinion about a current event. They are both fools of the highest order!"
-- "Wouldn't it be great if [underage rape player Dakota Fanning] ran for President? Yeah... I was thinkin' the same thing."
-- "Hey! Somebody who I don't respect and who never agrees with me on anything has just written something that I support, in that it mirrors my pre-existing outlook! Game, set, and match, powers that be!"
-- "Can you believe that corporate America does not separately regard me, a person of above-average intelligence, with the appropriate respect?"
-- [a
*returns to lurking* Posted by: nocturnation at January 25, 2007 07:54 PM
"Once again, my child has done the damnedest thing, which I will tangentially relate to Bush's character or failed foreign policy."
Posted by: kcb at January 25, 2007 08:11 PM"Once again, my kitty has eaten some string so I shall pull the bit sticking out of her butt and then relate this to the threat posed to our democracy by paperless blackbox electronic voting machines."
Posted by: dtestd at January 25, 2007 09:06 PMWorks for me.
Posted by: Mustang Bobby at January 26, 2007 05:38 AMdamn, it is 300:1, isn't it?
Posted by: paperpusher at January 26, 2007 08:44 AMThe Left is at it again - apparently they hate America AND soccer!
Posted by: Comandante Agi at January 26, 2007 11:05 AMi would like to post but i dont like capital letters or punctuation what should i do
X-Day Cat blogging
[Picture of my cat sleeping.]
[Picture of my cat waking up.]
[Picture of my cat licking it hoo-ha.]
followed by
X-Day's Random 10
Featuring 10 obscure/tedious indy songs I allegedly pulled at random from my IPod, but really found by Googling 'obscure/tedious indy music."
Posted by: Dave In Texas at January 26, 2007 12:17 PMI have the same problem. I get many hits for
"strict auntie" from India. And the pictures of my cat get a lot of traffic. But just a few loyalists reply to my postings.
Bush is a fool. Kittens are cute.
Posted by: Hattie at January 26, 2007 03:39 PMTomAllen: you might be happier over at "skippy the bush kangaroo". You share a certain... cummingsness....
But I really just wanted to express my support for more bacon.
Posted by: biff3000 at January 26, 2007 04:05 PMthere is a fine line between lurking and stalking...
Posted by: zachjones4 at January 27, 2007 02:56 PM