November 28, 2006
One Million Visitors!
Hey, it was marginally funny at the time!
It looks like the vaunted mark of absolute irrelevance (one million visitors, or about one thousand a day over the last thousand days) will be reached on Tuesday evening, or possibly sooner if somebody who's actually popular wastes their own bandwidth to inform their stupefied readership of the news.
Perhaps half two-thirds of this total is random Google string- and image-searchers, and half of the remaining half third is comprised of repeat viewings from my eight regular commenters, waiting to see whether another thread has died from neglect. But the important thing is: my free internet package is about to run out and I'm going to have to start paying a monthly fee for this lame website. So, in order to party, help yourself on Mega Day to this free, 46-second four-track cover song. I dood it on my Casio, and you may need to get high in order to enjoy it. The fund-raiser to pay for the bandwidth for this 'generosity' will start tomorrow.
And if you can prove that you're the landmark reader/customer, you will get... well, what should you get? The HFPST Misspelling-a-Day calendar? A Daryl Hall 45 single? An old term paper from the early 90s? Beard clippings?
UPDATE: Whoops! While I was on my third siesta of the day at the East Austin Shaved Ice Emporium (the market is way down despite the unseasonably warm Fall we're having), somebody named Ed Drone claims to have been the 1,000,000th visitor... a process hastened by the long-overdue recognition from TBogg, a "somewhat popular" (and even that's totally inexplicable.. at least the popular part) "blogger." However, my research indicates it's this Google image searcher from south of the border who wanted to find out where that Luca Brasi choking picture came from. He/she now gets the grand prize: a tour of the Happy Furry Puppy Story Time secret headquarters and the opportunity to be my sole heir! Everybody into the glass elevator!
Congratulations in advance, Monsieur 'Bizness! I can only imagine how much more quickly you would have reached this milestone had you bended to your visitor-ship's desire for Ann Coulter up-skirts. Think about that for the second million.
Posted by: funkyb0ss at November 28, 2006 12:48 AMNo time or money to blog? Just comment in others' blogs and make them pay or the bandwidth!
Posted by: The Constructivist at November 28, 2006 02:01 AMAnd correct all your typos! Switch "for" for "or" in the above.
Posted by: The Constructivist at November 28, 2006 02:02 AMNorbizbess Yankovich, who knew.
Posted by: mdhåtter at November 28, 2006 04:37 AMalso, as we each have our own keyboards, does that make you Shakespeare?
Posted by: mdhåtter at November 28, 2006 06:08 AMI'M TEH 1 MILLION VISETOR!!!1
And, like the chickenhawks at the start of the war, I'm not going to prove it. Instead, you have to prove I'm not.
Posted by: Starshark at November 28, 2006 06:10 AMWhat should we get? An admission that your musical taste sucks:):):).
How much can the fee be? We're paying around $10 a month for our site and I'm guessing we get about the same amount of traffic (so-called "lame" political websites and B&B websites run by two of the most incompentent marketeers on the planet apparently generate the same amount of traffic).
So despite your crappy taste in music, don't go away since your political commentary is astooooooooot. And funny.
I'll go away now.
Posted by: scott at November 28, 2006 07:48 AMa little more wakeman than moraz, but the boy has skillz. i will gladly part with my periodic half price books credit slip and bottle deposit to fund the second millenium.
Posted by: paperpusher at November 28, 2006 08:00 AMCoupocalypse Now.
Posted by: Nancy in Detroit at November 28, 2006 09:12 AMI think that mp3 file must be corrupted or something, 'cuz I didn't hear any singing.
Posted by: Travis G. at November 28, 2006 09:41 AMCongratulations! And don't go away--I'm positive you'll win the Koufax this year.
Posted by: Tom Hilton at November 28, 2006 10:04 AMcongrats, norbizness! it couldn't happen to a nicer, er, whatever you are.
Posted by: skippy at November 28, 2006 10:52 AMSir, as an aspiring member to the Million Hits Club (hopefully, or rather, likely before I become a member of the Mile High Club), may I offer my congratulations to you.
Posted by: actor212 at November 28, 2006 11:28 AMI'll always remember where I was on this day.
Waiting for my internet porn to finish downloading.
Posted by: Otto Man at November 28, 2006 12:18 PMHey, when I clicked on the link to the counter thingy, it read 1,000,000. I came back to this page, clicked on the link again, and it said 1,000,000. I refreshed the page and it went to 1,000,001.
Was I tha actual, real live 1 millionth visitor? Or just the 1 millionth to click the sitemeter page refresh?
In any case, congratulations to you and all your furry puppies! Long may they wave!
Ed
(not my real name)
Congratulations in advance, norbizness! TBogg is telling everyone that the prize is a year's supply of Zima. I sure hope I am not your millionth visitor.
Posted by: Gentlewoman at November 28, 2006 12:43 PMI just clicked about a zillion times and I'm sure I win. Way my Zima?
Posted by: roy edroso at November 28, 2006 12:45 PMGood for you, Norbiz... Looks like # a million was someone form Mexico using Google Imágenes who clicked on an image from the Godfather.
I reached a million hits a long time ago.* Most of mine were from that Tex Holdem guy, and a Dr. Phentermine.
* May not be true.
Posted by: Montag at November 28, 2006 12:59 PMThanks, everybody! It's my biggest comment thread since I said "fuck you Californian non-smokers" in response to the proposed Austin smoking ban. But seriously, move back to Earthquakeland, you condo-filling soulless assnuggets.
And Roy: you get my unpublished book of Zima drink recipes. Mixed with tabasco sauce and Sprite? Sounds delicious, Professor Mixology!
And Tom Hilton is cruelly baiting me with dreams of Koufaxular recognition, although the demise of Fafblog (my doing) and the current darkness of The Poor Man (also my doing) help. Unfortunately, there's that Jesus General dickwipe and his clone army to contend with.
Posted by: norbizness at November 28, 2006 01:04 PMI'm not going to rag on your taste in music because my collection of mp3s resembles ancient California bong. However, your preoccupation with mini-pics of the pope wearing dresses is cause for concern. Please make an appointment.
Congratulations on the million.
Seriously, I don't know how you got beaten out on best commentator last year.
You're always everywhere.
You're always everywhere.
Just like Jesus.
Coincidence? Well, ... yes.
Posted by: Otto Man at November 28, 2006 04:09 PMSeriously, the man is everywhere. Except maybe DailyKos. I don't think I ever run into him there.
Posted by: shayera at November 28, 2006 04:22 PMYou get down with your bad self, you heartless bastard!
Congratulations!
Posted by: watertiger at November 28, 2006 04:26 PMAll I need is 999,561 more hits and I'll be there.
But I guess it's all about you now...
Congrats!
Posted by: salvage at November 28, 2006 05:39 PMSeriously, the man is everywhere. Except maybe DailyKos.
And the winner in that category was from...Daily Kos. Coincidence?
Posted by: Tom Hilton at November 28, 2006 06:39 PMAlso: I got nothing against Jesus' General, but he's kind of got just one joke. Whereas Norbizness has at least three or four. Maybe four-and-a-half, if you count the coupon thing.
Posted by: Tom Hilton at November 28, 2006 06:41 PMHey, no fair! You estimated a Wednesday odometer rollover. I guess it was a mistake to wait for the next captions aplenty. It seems linkwhoring really works!
And how am I gonna get a pony now that you darkened the Poor Man?
Posted by: arghous at November 28, 2006 06:46 PMI voted for Norbiz.
Posted by: Shayera at November 28, 2006 08:27 PMThat's a shitty prize! I hate you now!
Posted by: roy edroso at November 29, 2006 10:37 AMEight? Dude, you have at least twelve visitors, probably as many as fifteen on days you post porn.
Posted by: Stacia at November 29, 2006 03:13 PMCongrats Norbizness!!
Posted by: scout prime at November 30, 2006 01:45 AM"A million!?! Why that's almost as much as a eleventy-seven thousand!" ~ G.W. Bush
Posted by: LanceThruster at December 1, 2006 12:24 PMGotta love you Norbizzy. Our twins depend upon it. Zima tastes pretty good after three scotches, btw.
Posted by: Blue Gal at December 1, 2006 01:31 PM