May 25, 2006
The Dean Martin Mildly Popular Caption-Blogger Roast
It could be worse: I could be that unloved loser Chevy Chase!
Welcome to my third anniversary / first annual weblog and weblog writer roast-post. I tried to encourage people to say nice things for the last two anniversaries (here and here), but it turned out like this:
"HFPST, that i havent been reading for too long, gives me a break from pontification long enough to read other blowhards 'express' themselves." (almostinfamous... do what now?)
"This blog has leapt for, flopped over and cleared the Bar of Non-suckiness, and with inches to spare I might add, although most of its competition has knocked said bar loose and injured themselves in the process, as stupid and unfunny people are wont to do." (HWRNBNBSOL, making the last one look coherent)
"I read you at least twice a day, and you've inspired me to get back in touch with my childhood love of blowing stuff up in the back yard and appraising women's breasts as they pass me on the street." (Doghouse Riley, who has yet to issue a 'Best Breasts of Indiana' report)
"You're the Jon Stewart to George Will's Dennis Miller." (D. Sidhe, not realizing that George and I are best buddies)
"Here's to another 700 or so posts until we're all just sick to death of it and collectively stick our heads in an oven with a sign taped to our backs that reads, 'No funeral.'" (Drew, who wrote that last year. He know has 58 more posts from me until he is forced to snuff it)
"Well, I'm here, but I'm not going to say anything nice. I'm just going to sit here and scowl." (The Editors, whoever they are.)
So I figure that a roast won't be too much of a stretch. Feel free to express a good deal of bewilderment that anybody apart from random Google searchers looking for "Ozzie And Miss Piggy Sing Born To Be Wild" and "Diddy and feminine hygiene products for teens" read this site. Feel free to lambaste the poor quality of my auto-posts, my off-topic commenting on your website, and my general lack of insight and prickishness in responding to your very adult needs as readers, lurkers, and commenters.
Remember: the only way this can fail is if nobody participates. If being slightly mean isn't your speed, you can always offer tepid praise or ask your unfriendly host a question or two in the comments or on your own website, especially if it's more popular than mine (not a stretch). You have 24 hours, and I'll try to refrain from retaliatory roasting. No promises!
UPDATE: Good job, linkers! We're totally fucking with Memeorandum's head!
UPDATE II: It's like that social worker who took the Simpson kids to a foster home said... "Stupid blogs need the MOST attention!"
UPDATE III: Goddammit, Enron executives, this is MY day!
I remember when you were all about the music and happy furry puppies. But you've changed, man.
No wait, you haven't: you still suck worse than anything has sucked before.
Posted by: NTodd at May 25, 2006 12:05 AMNOTE: this year's version may be even more incomprehensible than last year;s. but only because it is longer.
i (not really but i'm trying to) remember the first time i saw this here website/blog/web magazine. i think it was from a comment the proprietor left on pandagon, back when it was still cool to hang out there(just kidding!!). or maybe it was from the editors' or rox pop's or something like that. nevertheless, it was a pretty good comment, so i clicked on the name because i was a college student and was wasting my time smacking around a few penguins most of the time anyway.
what i found was a magical wonderland filled with humorous commentary along with a lot of funny comments on the commentary. plus, who can resist the lure of the happy furry puppies on top of this site? they're so damned cute!!
since then, i have discovered other sites and blogs, both more interesting and more interactive than this one(not naming names, though), some of them through this very blog. out of all of them, this site stands unique in it's combination of the sunday coupocalypse, the (rather frequent) captions, the movie and music (double-dippin!) reviews with implicit snobbery, not to mention the high volume of quotations from assorted matt groening creations.
congratulations, norbizness and HFPST, on a year 3 which saw a terrible government being re-elected despite the best efforts of most reasonable people, and your traffic increasing despite the best efforts of most of your commenters.
hope all the parentheticals helped confuse you.
Posted by: almostinfamous at May 25, 2006 02:42 AMWhat I love best is Norbiz's really effective advocacy for Long John Silvers. His affectation of repulsed disgustedness makes me laugh. It is really clear to me that it's all a big joke, and he really loves LJS. I also love his reviews of made up movies. So detailed. He really has a lot of time on his hands. It's a whole nother world. Such an imagination!
[pspsps *whispering offstage*]
Oh. Never mind.
Posted by: Pinko Punko at May 25, 2006 03:26 AMI was going to go into a long Colbertian discourse on how your bizarre obsession with Sunday coupons has changed the face of American punditry, but I couldn't quite make it work. (Apparently, I suck, too.) So I'll just say "WTF is the deal with the coupons?" and leave it at that.
Posted by: Charles Kuffner at May 25, 2006 06:04 AMYou have to admire the titanium sac of HFPST's founder. Displaying a fearlessness and complete disregard of public opinion, he boldly links to dozens of pictures of himself. Pictures which can only lead to the conclusion that Norbizness is the hybrid result of Unfrozen Caveman sperm, a silverback gorilla mother and the Job-like patience of human foster parents. The fact that Texas was the center of bizarre government medical experiments in the late 60s/early 70s has been forgotten by nearly everyone.
When Lorne Michaels received a phone call in the early 90s from a childhood friend, now a professor at Upstairs Lawyerin' University at Lubbock, he flew down to observe Norb in person. Thus, another marginal SNL sketch was born.
A lonely adolescent Norb tried to deny the truth that confronted him every day in the form of screaming children whenever he appeared in public. It was harder to ignore the animal control vehicles that shadowed his every move.
After graduating from ULUL and securing a position
in the legal department at Long John Silvers, he started this blog, and began writing of his loneliness, disguised as "humorous" posts about Newspaper coupons, etc. His encouragement from the feedback received herein has given him the courage to display his true lineage to the world, and I salute that courage.
And so, it is my honor to present to you this certificate, good for a lifetime supply of Norelco electric body hair trimmers.
You couldn't manage 700 posts in a whole year when a commenter's life was on the line?
That's just sad.
Posted by: julia at May 25, 2006 06:26 AMWhat's with the blog name anyway? Happy Furry Puppy Story Time? Is this site devoted to stories about happy furry puppies? I haven't seen a one. Or is about telling stories to happy furry puppies? Do you blog only when it is their story hour? When is that? Do you keep them up late? What's their bedtime? Or are you saying that all the posts are stories written by happy furry puppies? I just don't believe that. I'm sorry.
And are there any happy puppies who aren't furry? An un-furry puppy, it seems to me, is a shaved puppy. Who would do that to a puppy? Is this your way of telling us you know of shaved puppies? Have you yourself shaved any? Is it a punishment? Do you blog only for the puppies who have been good, the ones who haven't been punished? How many puppies do you own? Should we be dropping a dime to the ASPCA?
A little old lady in our area just lost her house to a fire in which 48 of her puppies died. That's 48 out of 150! She had 150 puppies in her house! That's what happens to people who start collecting pets, you know. They go crazy. Just a friendly warning.
Posted by: Lance Mannion at May 25, 2006 06:56 AMWell, you're funnier than Dick Cheney, I'll give you that.
Posted by: watertiger at May 25, 2006 07:20 AMSo bring your good times and your laughter too
We're gonna celebrate your party with you
Happy number three.
Posted by: Jeremías at May 25, 2006 07:27 AMI don't really know anything about this site, but somebody I met said it doesn't really suck if you're into that kind of thing.
Posted by: sharon at May 25, 2006 07:33 AMThree years?
Wow, you guys have really made a difference. Why without this blog, I couldn't be here commenting. That's really an accomplishment. You guys are the Chester A. Arthur's of the blogosphere. You're just that memorable.
Nice job, or something.
Posted by: Attaturk at May 25, 2006 07:33 AMYer smelly.
Posted by: Ezra at May 25, 2006 07:44 AMI’ve never roasted anyone before, so I may do this all wrong. But here goes...
Here is a guy who once shamed me into voting for him for "best commenter" during his pitiful train-wreck-esque series pleading for Koufax nominations. Now I have probably seen one or two of his comments at some blog or another, but frankly I didn't see what was so hot about them. Nonetheless, I went along with his scheme; even though, being strictly upwardly interested -- note the "more popular than mine" caveat he adds in this very post -- Norbizness would never deign to comment at my place. (Were that shame was a two way street!)
I do feel privileged to have had my humble hovel of a site added to Norbizness'es 'links' section this year, to which I credit a significant increase in traffic to my page. (Thanks!) I do think he must be obsessed with his own traffic patterns, though, as I still get more hits off his site meter than his blogroll*. I'm sure the 'bizness must pour over his stat pages for hours a day, delving into every detail. (Of course I wouldn't notice if I didn't do something similar myself.)
In perusing his 'Consolidated, Cross-Linked DVD Review Database,' I realized this must be the biggest, most time-consuming aspect of HFPST. I also realized that I have seen a mere twelve of the selections, (which, come to think of it, lends some credence to P.P.'s hilarious "made up movies" allegation.)
I'd watch more films on Norb's recommendation except that I don't really understand the reviews most of the time, let alone the actual works. Perhaps a 'Consolidated, Cross-Linked DVD Review Cliff-Notes Database' would help the anti-effete cinema snobs among us. (That'll keep him busy for a while.)
But really, happy furry puppy third blogday, Norbizness. Keep up all the good work.
I love you , man. Even if only in the mid-binge huddle-around-the-toilet-waiting-to-puke sense of "I love you, man."
"It doesn't really suck if you're into that kind of thing," indeed!
* May be an exaggeration.
Posted by: Montag at May 25, 2006 08:00 AMI just wanted to have a glass of syrup like I do every morning and instead I'm here bolstering some guy's ego. Like I don't get enough of that at home and at work and at the gym and on the street. Needy, needy, needy.
So here goes: Your blog makes me forget all the other blogs I've ever read. True story.
Help reduce Austin traffic congestion. Book a one-way flight on Adios Airlines.
Posted by: Fearguth at May 25, 2006 08:17 AMthe link to your post will be the 200th post of mine. just FYI
Posted by: almostinfamous at May 25, 2006 08:29 AMWow. Three years, huh?
It sure didn't take you long to betray all the founding principles laid out in your manifesto and begin the long, slow descent into numbing repetition and shuffling self-parody. Not that the future's entirely bleak; I'm sure we'll all get a big kick when you inevitably introduce a child blogger.
Posted by: TravisG at May 25, 2006 08:32 AMNorb--rather than anything cruel or cutting, let's go with a contextless Simpsons quote:
Lisa: I'm trying to call Janey, but I can't get a dial tone.
Marge: Your father refuses to pay the bill, so the company cut our phone lines.
Lisa: [sighs] Why must you fight every utility?
Homer: [annoyed] I told you, I have too much free time.
I remember being inspired by Norb's blog to create my own, I though "Shit, if he can do it anyone can." Thanks for making the bar so low a cancer kid in a wheelchair could sail over it with nothing but air.
He seems to have affection for Pikachew, which would be the small strange yellow creature that talks in a squeaky gibberish that only small children seem to understand and enjoy; an appropriate mascot indeed.
Norb doesn’t talk much about himself; I have no idea if he has a job / girlfriend / life. No, scratch that, I do have an idea; it’s just not very nice to say it out loud. I’m sure at some point we’ll be seeing him lifted out of his basement, a concerned Montel Williams telling the camera “He’s too large for an ambulance but the military has volunteered one of the artillery moving flatbeds… oh dear God! The straps have broken… RUN!!!” To his credit he’ll still be clutching his keyboard looking for the mot just to squeeze a zit of humour out of a photo of Bush looking at his shoes or a peacock mounting a football helmet. If Yahoo ever got out of the news photo business Norb would have to run more childhood images. Please join me in encouraging Yahoo to continue their fine work, children that ugly should not be seen outside of science and circuses.
While Norbizness has never actually won any blogging awards the sheer amount of effort he puts into encouraging, cajoling, pleading, begging and I suspect bribing his twelve readers into voting for him guarantees that at some point he will win a sympathy prize of some sort. Is there a Special Olympics version of the Koufax? That should cinch it.
What I enjoy the most about his site is his in-depth reviews of movies that only pretentious art school grads / drop outs (really is there a difference?) watch so that they have something else to be pretentious about. It’s amazing; he makes posts that are longer than the foreign, abstract 16 hour-long black and white Parasite vs. Worker wankfests themselves. But if Criterion burns it, wraps it in crappy cover art and charges $75.00 for it Norb will be there with his parent’s credit card.
Norb is from Texas, and I guess that more than anything explains it.
Posted by: salvage at May 25, 2006 09:15 AMSo this family walks into a talent agent's office: Mom, Dad, their two early-teenage kids, a little baby, and their weiner dog in tow...
Posted by: Carl the Big Fool at May 25, 2006 09:19 AMi was drawn here like most of you, by the man's obsessions with analog synths and Pokemon characters; the Dada-istic impulse of his cartooning; the love/hate relationship with his town, state and the Astros that is every Texan's cri de couer; and his pro bono legal efforts on behalf of shaved ice vendors operating without a health license.
But let me tell you about the real norbizness. a man that apparently a lot of you know.
one day at Waterloo, norb was attempting to weigh the cost/benefit ratios of various Cheap Trick compilations when he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, a young kid pulling a copy of White Lion's "Big Game" (you know, the one with "Little Fighter" on it) from the dollar bin. The man we know as the bizness hurriedly walked over to set the kid straight. "Dude, if you take that up to the cash register, you will be mocked loudly each and every time you step in this store."
The kid's eyes got wide and, thanking norbizness profusely, he put the album back in the stacks, and instead took a worn copy of Wanda Jackson's "Live at the Denver Club" to the check out. norbizness waited for the kid to leave the store, then plucked the White Lion lp out of the bin and slid it into the bottom of his own stack, between the 10cc and Missing Persons records.
that's the norbizness i'm talking about.
Posted by: paperpusher at May 25, 2006 09:26 AMDear God! this blog is still around! Lapsang aside. and i do mean aside. I really dont comment on B level blogs.
Posted by: Hubris Sonic at May 25, 2006 09:29 AMYou're on my bookmarks list between TBogg and The Corner. Screw up and you'll be between TV Guide and The Weekly Standard.
Posted by: vachon at May 25, 2006 09:35 AMI came to HFPST to support a fellow Texan's blog and found he has only disdain/contempt for my birthplace (SA) and current residence (Dallas). There have been very few stories about happy puppies but I do remember a movie review that mentioned a scene of a dead puppy floating in water. Not too happy there. One day I might rent one of the movie recommendations but have a strong feeling it would drive me to drink more than I already do.
Happy Blogiversary!!
Man, if I'd known my suggestion for a roast would've actually come true, I would've set my sights a little higher. I dunno, maybe I should've asked for a "Mama's Family" reunion or something meaningful.
I'm sure other people will devote time to our host's childhood as an abandoned ward of the Home for the Visually Unpleasant and his adolescent years spent working the gritty streets of Galveston, earning a quarter at a time the hard way in order to fuel a crippling addiction to Ms. Pac Man.
That only leaves me to wonder how he acquired the name Norbizness. Sure, it sounds like the career path taken by Conjunction Junction, but what does it mean? Well, according to the scientists and various hangers-on at the DeVry Institute, the name "Norbizness" is an anagram for "Bronze Sins."
Therefore, I am convinced that Norbizness is none other than Mr. George Hamilton. Case closed.
Posted by: Otto Man at May 25, 2006 09:46 AMI didn't read the previous comments, mostly because any bilge excreted by the type of mouth-breathers who inexplicably visit this site on a regular basis hold about as much interest for me as the wacky antics of the idiots on Grey's Anatomy.*
Three years? Big fucking deal. When half your entries are devoted to Sunday coupons, picture captions, and the crap on your iPod, it becomes easy to deceive the unwary into thinking you're contributing something of substance. In that sense, if no other, Norb is a true American.
As for the playlists, it isn't bad enough that - like everyone else who makes the mistake of exposing their horrible musical tastes to public ridicule - Norb throws in just enough embarassing material to give him the aura of self-deprecation. It's bullshit. If you knew the amount of hard disk space he'd devoted to Hagar-era Van Halen and Norwegian black metal, you'd delete HFPwhateverthefuckitis from your bookmarks faster than Norby himself runs out to purchase the new Chicken Soup for the Soul book.
Then there's the name: "norbizness." Granted, it isn't any dumber than any of the other bazillion anonymous bullshit artists wasting their time and ours with their repugnant poseur-ism (and don't get me started on the sheer pomposity of reviewing Criterion DVDs). Besides, I always assumed the handle came from the euphemism he and his stoner virgin buddies used for sex. As in, "I'd really like to give her the ole 'norbizness,'" followed by another bong hit of Laredo ditchweed while they debated who was hotter: the chicks on Dance Party: USA or the ones on Sit and Be Fit.
Here's to another three years: another three years of ineffective bleating against the existing power structure; another three years of masking your love of Adam Sandler movies behind slobbering epistles to Kurosawa; and another three years of shameful attention whoring in a futile effort to finally win a Koufax. You never learn.
* A show, by the way, which Norb not-so-secretly TiVo's every week. The better to watch it all in one sitting and absorb its rich emotional resonance.
Posted by: Pete at May 25, 2006 10:09 AMAs a fellow Texassian (well, conceived and gestated, anyway), I'm amazed at the shear paucity of lizard, cacti, and dead armadillo photos at caption time. Where the hell are the longhorns? You could call this site Blogging from Bayonne, for god's sake.
Just try harder this year. Thank you.
Posted by: cmdrtinfoil at May 25, 2006 10:11 AMYou gotta love a blog that reveals the founder's internal world to be a dizzying feverswamp that would make "Carnival of Souls" look like "About A Boy."
Posted by: Vestal Vespa at May 25, 2006 10:37 AMhere's to another three years of ax da prez, stereolab posts, more stereolab posts, and stereolab posts.
Posted by: dexter at May 25, 2006 10:53 AMThis blog has sucked ever since you stopped reviewing lesbian vampire movies and started writing about all that pretentious Criterion shit instead.
Or maybe that was another blog. I forget.
Posted by: Tom Hilton at May 25, 2006 10:55 AMWell, this sure takes the wind out of my May 29 Creek Running North Third Anniversary World's Most Popular Unknown Blogger Webstravaganza. Leave it to you to get there a week earlier and significantly more unknown. Dammit.
Posted by: Chris Clarke at May 25, 2006 11:00 AMIf The Left would finally just admit that he can suck out a decent person's everlasting soul if that person so much as views The Left's words or cartoons, then maybe The Left can rejoin the ranks of decent, white, male, God-fearing humanity. Until then, The Left should just be shunned, until the next time he turns up on memeorandum.
Posted by: Lame Man at May 25, 2006 11:04 AMWow, the HFPST commenters, ladies and gentlemen! They're the best in the business, but then business ain't that great. It's really not their fault that incontinent nostalgia for ColecoVision isn't as big as it was.
Speaking of incontinent, what can you say about three years of Norbizness? Really, what can you say? I never read him. The internet is full of free fucking porn, I'm supposed to read some schmuck talking about personal checks? I've got a blue version of that one for the late show.
No, really, like I said last year, I read Norb twice a day, because you just never know when he's gonna slip a "Shaved Ice Emporium" in there on ya. Comedy gold. It's the "You wanna buy a duck" of the Naughts. Plus he's the only guy I know who can make foreign films seem exciting. By comparison.
Another thing that sets Norb apart is that if he likes one of your comments he'll email you and ask if you've got any 'shrooms.
Okay, they told me to keep it short, and I said "No problem," so Norb, dammit, I love you man, and you're the funniest and sharpest political observer on the whole goddam internet, excepting the people I voted for in the Koufaxes. Peace out.
Posted by: doghouse riley at May 25, 2006 11:05 AMWho are you again?
Posted by: paige at May 25, 2006 11:05 AMThanks for the laughs Norb. If it were in my power, I'd set you up with that Sun Maid CGI spokesmodel, Weird Science-style. Which is ironic, since I see the older, puffier Michael Anthony Hall playing you in a straight-to-SciFi Channel HFPST movie that Francis Truffaut will be forced to watch over and over in the 8th circle, the one reserved for snobs.
Red Buttons, who said, "I never got a roast." never had a roast.
Happy Anniversary Norbizness, you magnificent bastard!
Doghouse Riley never got a dinner.
Posted by: Red Buttons at May 25, 2006 11:19 AMI too have notice the paucity of puppies. What's up with that?
Oh, and ignore the naysayers - coupocalypse rawks! And you don't suck too much.
(BTW, those random music thingies had to do with iPods???? I always wondered what the hell was going on. Sweet fancy Moses, I'm a tool.)
Posted by: Nancy in Detroit at May 25, 2006 11:30 AMI was thinking about having a third anniversary webstravaganza for Pharyngula on June 6, but then I thought, "Nah, that's for the desperate losers of the blogtopia, who think they need to commemorate the first day they figured out how to type on the intarweb." So instead, I'm just going to sit around and count all the money I'm getting from my corporate host for blogging. Maybe I'll get naked and roll around in it. I definitely need to gloat a bit. Yeah, that's it. I'll gloat and frolic in the many large bills while thinking about Norbizness...and chortling. Chortling goes well with the gloating and the sneering and the looking down on the peons and the hey-hum glavin.
Posted by: PZ Myers at May 25, 2006 11:39 AMHFPST w/ Norb is a wonderful palette cleanser.
Did I say palette? I meant perineum.
Congrats on 3 yrs. I think I'll lurk/squat here s'more.
Posted by: dtestd at May 25, 2006 12:01 PMThree years, good for you! I was gonna try and make the funny for you, but then I saw that picture of you in the KC Royals hat and vowed to never return to this blog.
Posted by: Alex at May 25, 2006 12:04 PMJust three years? It seemed more like seven. BTW, I'll be a bit late to the Kansas/Journey album battle party tonight.
Posted by: Thorlac at May 25, 2006 12:34 PMi'm a whole month into blogging, and while i may already be getting as many hits as you do, i'll never have as many chins. cheers.
Posted by: punkass marc at May 25, 2006 12:56 PMI had started writing a whole batch of pithy, poigniant, and ultimately degrading reminiscences of the vile degrading things that have been posted in three years (aren't the FBI watching?. Sheesh. Corruption in Washington, big deal).
But everybody else has said everything so well already.
Besides, once you've been pwn3d by PZ Myers, it's time to tip the waitrons, peel Dean Martin off the floor, and head over to Frankie's.
Thanks, Norbizness! Keep Left!
Posted by: Brian at May 25, 2006 12:58 PMHas it really only been three years, a mere 1,000 days, that we've been privy to your thoughts and observations here at HFPST? It seems so much longer - like forever, really - that I've been reading your work, proving once again that time flies when you're having fun, but positively crawls when you're miserable.
Many writers will tell you that their work is like their children, and HFPST is a testament to this childish - er, I mean, childlike quality of the written word (befitting a writer who, for obvious reasons, is extremely unlikely to actually breed). First, there is the period of infancy, in which the babbling youngster is notable mostly for a tendency to drool uncontrollably and shit itself. Later comes the infamous "terrible twos," the phase of development in which no one can stand the little tyke. Then, of course, at about three years of age, a child begins to reveal a fully-developed personality and a facility for language. It is at this point that my metaphor breaks down.
And, speaking of metaphors, I must admit that I don't really understand your "No Fun With Analogies" feature. Then again, maybe I do - let me try one myself, and let's see if I've got the basic idea:
HFPST Third Anniversary : cause for celebration :: root canal without benefit of anaesthetic : source of sexual arousal in normal subjects
Of course, "No Fun With Analogies" is only one of many regular features here at HFPST (and one of the few not shamelessly stolen from better blogs). There is also your weekly "Musique Non-Stop" feature, in which you regularly reveal your truly pathological fondness for unlistenable Kraut-rock; your recurring "Cinema Purgatorio," which documents your well-earned status as the Texan Pauline Kael Gene Shalit; and your "Captions Aplenty" entries, in which you somehow con your readers into producing your content for you. My personal favorite feature might be "Crazy Shit Other People Say," which is not to be confused with "The Left Is Attacking The City!" - being a compendium of the crazy shit you say. Finally, there is your signature feature, "Sunday Coupocalypse," which provides the reader with an excellent reason to turn off his or her computer on Sunday and actually do something productive.
The fact is, I will always have a special fondness for HFPST, in that you were among the first of my peers (and by "peers," I mean "people whose narcissistic ranting belies an even worse substance abuse problem than my own") to add me to your blogroll back when I started blogging. Of course, a short time later you dropped me like a one-night-stand with oozing chancres, but I'm not bitter. Not at all. Obviously, you have confused me with some other well-armed maniac with deep feelings of rage and betrayal, and nothing left to lose.
So in conclusion, allow me to be among the many here to congratulate you on three years utterly pissed away. I look forward to sharing my warm feelings again next year, on the occasion of your fourth anniversary (and realize that the very words "fourth anniversary," in this context, make me tremble with abject horror). To another writer I might say "keep up the good work," but to you I say "take your hands off the keyboard and back away slowly." But I mean that in the nicest possible way.
Posted by: rod at May 25, 2006 01:06 PM(By the way - my comment would have made marginally more sense if the words "Pauline Kael" had been stricken out, as I coded it. Haloscan's ability to deal with normal HTML codes sucks almost as much as the Sunday Coupocalypse.)
Posted by: rod at May 25, 2006 01:22 PMI didn’t know ya then and I still don’t know who ya are now…..How the fuck did I get in here anyways….
Posted by: peterh at May 25, 2006 01:24 PMnorb
you drank up all the hennessy i got on my shelf
please allow me to bump thee
This blog is cool in a "why splurge at Wal-Mart when Aldi's is right around the corner" sort of way.
Keep up the...work, man!
Posted by: Samurai Sam at May 25, 2006 02:13 PMWhen I'm not masturbating this seems like the right place to come.
Posted by: Righteous Bubba at May 25, 2006 02:22 PMI remember Norby when he was a sullen, clean-shaven runt, with nary a story. Sure, the way he humped on legs was annoying, but I warned everyone that neutering him was just wrong.
Now do you bastards believe me? Sure, he pretends to be happy when he sits in the corner, licking hisself, but if you look into his eyes, you can see the back of the inside of the skull of the tragic shell of a dog who could have been a contender in the world of Sniffing Other Dogbutts.
Die, you mofos !
Love;
People for the Ethical Testosterone Resurrection of Manimals
Posted by: Kevin Hayden at May 25, 2006 03:12 PMCongrats on finally growing out of your terrible twos. Now if you would only replace Pikachu with Chairface Chippendale, add an El Seed, and move up the Mad Bomber What Bombs at Midnight, this site would be perfect.
Posted by: The Constructivist at May 25, 2006 03:26 PMI miss Stalin. He goes so well with the puppies.
Posted by: flyinfur at May 25, 2006 03:32 PMIt warms my heart, not that I have one left after law school and failing the Bar twice, but nonetheless, it warms my heart to see your anger managment therapy going so well. This blogging thing is cheaper than therapy which usually isn't covered after ten sessions and we all know that would only scratch your surface.
I am such a nerd that I am still thrilled to be included in your cool non sequitur comments where I accused you of giving douchebags a bad name.
Enron verdict is so sweet. I hear his kids put up their houses for his bail. Pity. I was hoping for jail time before formal sentencing on Sept. 11th.
Today is my birthday. I am probably old enough to be your mother so we won't talk about age. Let's just say it is indeed a thrill to spend another 39th birthday on your blog.
Posted by: jaye at May 25, 2006 03:40 PMI came for the bingo and crystal meth, then he took the sign down. Mofo is holding out on us. I kept coming back to try and get a grip on this Tejas shit and what a fucking mess it has made of the country. I think I figured it out: Says he likes music, listens to mp3s. That is fucked up, yo.
Cheers, ya bastahd.
Posted by: evilchemistry at May 25, 2006 04:37 PMThis blog is cool in a "why splurge at Wal-Mart when Aldi's is right around the corner" sort of way.
You mean that someone else has seen an Aldi's? I thought I was hallucinating the one near us.
Because of you, I no longer read the Sunday ad sections, and I missed out on that whole "pistachio is the color of the year" vote. Maybe I am hallucinating, cause I thought the color of the year was "sangria." Happy blogiversary, anyway.
Posted by: Blue Gal at May 25, 2006 05:35 PMSo I Google "Furry Puppy" cause I'm looking for a new pet, and I arrive here. What the hell is this anyway, some kinda Blog or sumpin? Must be a arty-farty one with that dumbass white-type-on-black-background mojo goin' on. And now I've got puppy poop all over my pumps. Ah, of course: Norbizness shit. Now I've got to Google "removing puppy poop". Probably get pointed back here. Endless loop of puppy poop. Damn blogs.
Posted by: Pine Ridge Chuck at May 25, 2006 05:56 PMRe: No wait, you haven't: you still suck worse than anything has sucked before.
Go forth and suck where no one has sucked before. Go froth as well. But if you do, think about a rabies shot.
Posted by: All The Unfurry Puppies at May 25, 2006 08:14 PMUmmmm...is the way to Cute Overload? I think I might be lost. Those puppies look like nice puppies. But I really like kittens better. Are you, like, next door to Daily Kitten? Happy, uh, wev.
Posted by: Gentlewoman at May 25, 2006 09:12 PMIt's a testament to the quality of this blog that I can't remember why I first came here. But I feel compelled to keep returning, much as one feels driven to keep prodding an abscess.
Posted by: RobW at May 25, 2006 09:14 PMDespite the lack of Pam Anderson's boobs, Gina Gershon's ass, or Alan King, I decided to show up to roast dear Norbizness.
While thinking of remarks to sum up the man, the myth, the Puppy Master, I came up with... nothing. Except that he likes to sing Beastie Boys songs at karaoke and that's just fucked up.
Now where's the bar?
Posted by: Kathleen at May 25, 2006 09:41 PMI come here sometimes and I read the things you post, but I don't always get it. Especially the photo caption posts. I mean, what the fuck is up with that? Do yall really think that's fun? I used to have to actually write photo captions and also headlines -- for a living, and not a very good one. I don't want to do it for free. But I like puppies a lot, especially the furry ones. And stories, I like stories.
Can I have a fucking beer now?
I only stopped by because Twisty said there'd be hookers and blow over here.
Well?
Happy Blogihooha anyway.
Posted by: alphabitch at May 26, 2006 12:35 AMWwwwhhhhhyyyyyyy!
Posted by: adaplant at May 26, 2006 01:33 AMNorbiz, you hockey puck!
Posted by: Roger Ailes (as Don Rickles) at May 26, 2006 01:55 AMYou're a little immature sometimes, but I must say now and then I do come here just to fart around and am no worse the wear for having done it. Congratulations and continued success.
Posted by: flawedplan at May 26, 2006 05:41 AMI've seen his Myspace page, and it's better than this.
Posted by: Charlie at May 26, 2006 08:52 AM