Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

6)is golden. 8) my fave. 4)is cruel (What's the difference between Madonna and a limo?).

5) "Keech Rainwater, left, and Dean Sams of the nominated group Lonestar pose as they arrive for the 41st Academy of Country Music Awards, Tuesday, May 23, 2006, in Las Vegas."

MelissaRiversBot: It is theoretically impossible to frame that sentence in a gayer fashion.

PRACTICE CAPTION 5: Have to keep control... must not touch... man boobies...

I enjoyed #2 and to a lesser extent, #8.

I can't decide if #1 is a doomed Comedy Central attempt at filling Chappelle's spot, or a bizarre turn in the Natalee Holloway [or some other missing white girl] case, si I'll just do the practice one.

5. Somebody's been watching Queer Eye for the "Straight" Guy

#3. And then I grabbed him, like this, and said, "I caught you terrist, you're coming with me".

Honestly, that's how it happened.

#4. And I thought them big loop earrings were tacky.

#5. No prize for guessing who's the bitch in this relationship.

My fave was 9.

1. "As we said, the flag is about heritage not hate. Hey boy, you eyeballin' the white lady?...Didn't think so."
2. Dan Qualye realizes that Lloyd has just made him look stupider than his boss's kids.
9. The Klan reaches out to Jews with a new graphic.

I didn't think my urge to kill could rise any higher, until I learned that Trace Adkins actually has a song called "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk."

I have a terrible confession to make. I was flipping around the dial last night and came across Rascal Flatts doing "Me And My Gang". I thought, who are these guys? This isn't a country song. I listened to the whole tune and just about fell out out of my chair. I loved it! I even took a look at some of their albums on Amazon this morning.

I'm so ashamed. Maybe it's Duran Duran fever.

1. Black is the new white.
8. Bigger than ever in Japan: Mandy Patinkin.
9. Cletis never could get the hang of cross-burning.
10. The Literalists Society's salute to Bob Dylan.

I'm a little spent from last week's threepeat, so I'll be selective.

1. Clayton Bigsby: The Early Years

2. "You just became a punch line, Dan. Get used to it."

4. The party favors at the Neverland Ranch were always something special.

5. "Yeah, we know. We never heard of us either."

9. "Look, Rebben! It's the Bat Mitzvah Signal!"

1. "If Britney's mom hated K-Fed, wait'll she gets a load of me!"

2. "No offense, Dan. I just hope this great country never has a dimwit like you for President."

3. And the process of embarrassing ourselves before a fairly elected leader begins anew.

4. "No, I haven't seen the President's Cabinet. Why do you ask?"

5. A pink background? Oh, that's just TOO much!

6. "It puts the lotion on the caption."

7. My favorite, along with Pete's.

8. Once again, the Chinese have us beat. The problem with our Iraq occupation? No karaoke.

9. When did David Duke convert to Judaism?

10. "Don't let those soldiers near the Honky Tonk Badonkadonk Dancers!"

I liked 8 and 9.

1. Townhall columnist Thomas Sowell spends another weekend the same way he spends all of them: driving his boss's daughter to Klan rallies.

2. Senator, I've met George W. Bush. I've met George W. Bush several times over the years, although George W. Bush was no friend of mine. Senator, you're -- well, actually, you're exactly like that dim-witted son-of-a-bitch.

3. Good friends always tell you when you've got something stuck in your teeth.

4. Sergeant, we're headed to the Capitol Building. You're gonna need more handcuffs than that!

5. A couple of ex-gays show up at the Country Music Awards.

6. Food is dropped through this chute into the gaping maw of the vice president.

7. Holy crap, I wonder how much that lapdance cost.

8. The maitre d' awards this evening's comlimentary Zima to a lucky diner at table 53.

9. Settle down, guys, that's actually just a gang sign.

10. Hey, they borrowed the president's foolproof way to avoid getting booed off the stage: Always appear in front of some soldiers, or the parents of dead ones.