Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

number one is genius.

And he put the biscuit way in the back, over to the right.

Soggy biscuit my ass.

#6 Last night was special but you may want to get tested, I might be infected.

Hard to top that first one, Norb, but I'm a strubborn, stubborn man.

1. "Alright, now. Bilbo will pop-and-lock, and then send the electricity through me, and I'll zap it over to the Reidman."

2. Lately, the Insane Clown Posse had been taking its name a little too literally.

3. Another motorist contemplates a murder-suicide pact at the Shell station.

4. For obvious reasons, Mary Kay's "New You Hindu" skin lightening cream did not fare well on the Indian market.

5. Ah ... so that's where Heath Ledger's been hiding.

6. "You arrogant cock!" "You dumb bitch!"

7. "Yeah, yeah, that was real funny -- you robbin' me of my dignity there."

8. "Squirrel, please!"

9. [can't top that]

10. "Surrender, Dorothy!"

11. "Right, you've just escalated from getting an argument to getting an arse-kicking."

I like 10.

6. Law enforcement officials contest the claim that the bans on dog fighting and cock fighting have contributed to the recent rise in popularity of dog-cock fighting.

9. Silvio Berlusconi makes one final appeal to Italian voters: "I was celibate throughout the campaign, but look what I made. There's only one way to explain it."

I'm partial to #2.

6. You've heard of a canary in a coal mine? This is a spaniel in a chicken coop. (When the puppy goes down, it's time to bust out the firefightin' foam and do some depopulatin.')

Your #10 cracked my shit up, and so did Otto's #6.

#1: The president tries a little head-hittingly obvious symbolism to support his campaign promise to be a uniter, not a divider.

#2: "Hand over the Faygo, juggalos!"

#3: Some rich guy pours about 12 gallons of premium gasoline onto the concrete, just to be a dick.

#4: Give it up, hippies!

#5: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I knew I should've gone with the Tom-Kat angle. God!

#6: Chickens and dogs: It's what's for dinner.

#7: After spending years together, many pets and their owners begin to resemble one another.

#8: That squirrel from those one commercials will do anything to find him some nuts.

#9: "I will return-a your boy-a, Prodi, when you return-a me to my rightful office -- capice?"

#10: "Swear to God, those weapons of mass destruction musta been this long. No, this long!"

#11: "I'm warning you, wise guy. It's Cleese, not Lithgow."

1, 9 and 10. That's gold Jerry! Gold!

Practice: "No matter what Bill Frist says, there is no evidence to suggest that bird flu can be passed to dogs through kissing."

#1: "Whoah, that Joe-zay Kwer-vo done gave me the spins somethin' fierce"

1. "We are calling now for the spirt of Spiro Agnew! Spiro, are you in the room right now?"

2. "Honey, we're being held up by a guy dressed as a member of Kiss, and his embarrassed groupie!"

3. When do we get to see Emilio Estevez get run over?

4. Santa's got the conch!

5. Fortunately, they're registered at Psychotics-R-Us.

6. Cock-blocked!

7. Wow, all the Village People have really let themselves go.

8. "That kick never works!"

9. "Fresh, juicy babies! Italy's greatest export!"

10. Sensei Ashcroft sighed. His kung-fu pupil had much to learn.

11. "I wish you'd all stop asking me about Jamie Lee Curtis' breasts. Next question."

Faygo and Spiro -- two great jokes that taste great together.

#1 "And a-one and a-two and lift and KICK!" "Mr. President, I do believe you CAN-CAN beat those polls yet, by golly!"

#4: I wonder if China will ever realize that something went horribly, horribly wrong with their cloning program.

1. I think Laura has been spending too much time away from the White House.

2. Gotto go with Otto

3. And TravisG

4. I was mesmerized by the Bollywood re-make of "The Notebook"

5. It's gotten so bad, the Cryptkeeper won't even return the Hitchhiker's calls.

6. "For the longest time, we thought she could only say two words, which were dog and cock. We thought that meant dog and rooster. But then we found out what she was really trying to say was dog-cock. One big hyphenated word, which doesn't come up in conversation much. Especially amongst Baptists."

7. "SCAB! SCAB!"

8. I used to hate the game, 'til they changed it to "Kill the Squirrel."

9. My favorite

10. "Hey! Where'd Bill and Harry go?"

11. Sorry, I can't get past Jamie Lee's breasts.

1. "All are welcome. All welcome. Go into the Light. There is peace and serenity in the Light."

10. How much bullshit would Grant Wood paint if Grant Wood could paint bullshit?

4)Tony Snow denying reports of cannibals in the White House.

1. Oh my god, what happened, I can´t see, I can´t, oh sorry, I just blinked for a second too long.

2. It´s not like this job didn´t suck enough before they came up with this ¨theme¨idea.

3. Luckily, Clive Johnson(pictured)has an emergency backup energy source for his car known as the ¨Flinstone¨ method.

4. More evidence to support the Robert Smith theory that men just don´t know how to put on makeup.

5. How about just the plane fair? A taxi ride to the airport, anything dammit.

6. It´s dog season, chicken season, dog season, chicken season, chicken season dog season....

7. Porterhouse the dog, the new boss on the site got a kind of negative vibe from his co workers.

8. Trust a squirrel to know where the nuts are.

9. :) My fave too.

10. I´ve been working on these hand movements, you know where I put them up like this. My speech adviser thingamy dude tells me it´s really effectie, what do you think?

11. What do you mean you´re not joking you don´t know what war I´m talking about? You know, the war with the Germans, the Krauts, the great conflict of our century where we overcame evil to save the world from Fascism, er, er well whatever you do don´t mention it.

1. "Okay, you didn't do it, and you didn't do it, and I didn't do it. Gentlemen, I sure as hell smelt it, and we're not leaving here until I knew which one of you dealt it."

2. "Yes, we actually do want all of your money. What makes you think we're joking?"

3. "I know what you're thinking: did he pump twenty gallons, or only ten? To tell the truth, in all the excitement, I kinda lost track myself. But bein' as this is premium unleaded, the highest octane gas available, and costs about three and a quarter bucks a gallon ... "

4. Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, sadhu, SADHU - -

5. Well, it is an eloquent statement on the priorities and social consciousness of your average news consumer, but I'm still not giving him my spare change.

6. "So, it's only dangerous if it goes chicken to dog to um ... chicken again? Or to a human? Or what? Or maybe it's human-chicken-dog ... um ... I just went crosseyed again."

7. "I'll bet that, when wolves were checking out the smell of humans' cookfires fifty thousand years ago, certain potential consequences of domestication never crossed their mind. Like this one. *sigh*"

8. He just knows that, if he manages to hit the squirrel with that ball, he's going to find out just what soccer hooligans have in common with American baseball fans ...

9. [for this one, I'm at least willing to admit that I can't beat what's come before]

10. "And I promise y'all ethanol farmers a subsidy THIS BIG ... "

11. John Cleese IS metal! Look, man-- he threw down the horns ... you see??

Sandman's 1).

HWRNMNBSOL's 6).

Your 11).

RE: #6

"Ok Fluffy, I'll give it a try, but I'm tellin ya, my comb doesn't work that good..."

1 - Just as I thought...Frist's suit is a much nicer weave...
2- "uhhh...I don't freakin know...plastic I guess"
3 - Carl suddenly realized...he converted to biodiesel...he should be at Mcdonalds filling up right now
4 - Indian Face Paint by Numbers looks SO cheesy....
5 - Chad Pitt falls on hard times

7 - Brutus the trans-species cross dressing canine was feeling a little vulnerable as his wife beater T-shirt failed to adequately cover his package
8 -"Dammit Zippy...get back in my pocket...were gonna get penalized!"
9 - I got nothin' here
10 - Jesus loves me THIS much
11 -"Right, I guess I do have a hairy knuckle... "