April 03, 2006

Urge To Kill... Rising!

Dad! The Tandy 1000 is possessed again!

A few administrative notes before the useless but compelling time-waster: (1) Congratulations to all of the winners in the 2005 Koufax Awards. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your nether regions. Nominations for the 2006 Awards begin in two weeks; (2) I've got about 75% of my hits today from a cloaked link originating in Taipei which points its soon-to-be-confused readers to this post. Three guesses which search term is driving this lunacy, and the first two don't count.

And now, because I believe in full disclosure, here are the results of my very first online therapy session with somebody named Dr. Eliza (I'm careted, she's italicized):

Hello, I am Eliza.
> Hello, I am Norbizness. Let's make lots of money.
Did you come to me because you are Norbizness. Let's make lots of money?
> ABORT SESSION
Tell me more...
> CRITICAL ERROR
Tell me more...
> I didn't pay 75 bucks to hear you recite Grease lyrics.
We were discussing you, not me.
> Ah, yes. Well, I'm an airplane glue-huffing deviant whose website is roundly despised by all people with good sense.
How long have you been an airplane glue-huffing deviant whose website is roundly despised by all people with good sense?
> Since I was eight on the first part, since May 2003 on the other.
I see.
> Say, you wouldn't happen to be building any model airplanes, would you?
Oh... wouldn't happen to be building any model airplanes, would me?
> Just what I needed. Another undocumented psychotherapist for whom English is not a first language.
Are such questions on your mind often?
> FOR GREAT JUSTICE
Can you elaborate on that?
> I'm Audi 5000
Did you come to me because you are Audi 5000?
> No, but that's why I'm leaving.
Do you believe it is normal to be leaving?
> (door shuts)
Tell me more...

[Thanks to this guy for the link to the world's most perfect artificial intelligence]




Posted by Norbizness at April 3, 2006 12:34 PM
Comments

She kept asking me to "elucidate my thoughts."

Posted by: Roxanne at April 3, 2006 12:47 PM

Now if they could just animate Dr. eliza to look like the Sun-Maid raisin girl...

Posted by: Montag at April 3, 2006 01:47 PM

That conversation sounds a lot like a real therapy session I had once. Only mine was more costly and less productive.

Posted by: Ron Mexico at April 3, 2006 02:35 PM

My Tandy is older than Hume Cronyn!

Posted by: teh l4m3 at April 3, 2006 03:50 PM

Eliza's final question was "Do you wish me to try to think you do see?"

I clicked on that Amazon reviews post and was laughing out loud - I'm at my Dad's house and he keeps asking me "what? what is it? what!!" He didn't think it was so funny but that's b/c he owns all 3 Mummy movies...

Posted by: JenM at April 3, 2006 09:03 PM

golly, i remember dr. eliza from back in the day. it's first question was always "do you have a psychological problems."

grammer was never been her strong suit.

Posted by: cookie at April 3, 2006 10:08 PM

"google psychoanalyze-pinhead" produced many hits, but I liked this one for the site name:

http://achase.net/xlog/2005/11/psychoanalyze-pinhead.html

Posted by: billkauf at April 3, 2006 11:03 PM

Eliza has just gotten a new job at the Whitehouse, advising the whitehouse press secretary on how to answer reporter questions.

:-)

I've never been linked to before. That's funny. :-)

Posted by: The Other Steve at April 4, 2006 10:50 AM