February 16, 2006
"You Wait Here While Daddy Tries To Talk Some Sense Into This Raving Derelict"
{UPDATE: For first time Wonkette and Oliver Willis readers, be sure to check out the genesis of my transformation into "The Left" here and here for context. This amusingly-titled category has a complete compilation of my recent misdeeds, as recorded by hyperventilating twits.}
Didya see him? The Left! Right up there in the tree! Just LOOK, dammit!
I've finally boken down and bought a used DVD set of a Simpsons' season, even though I've probably seen every episode in the good years (1989-Frank Grimes episode) at least ten times each. One of the most inspired performances on the first disc of Season Seven was Dan Castalleneta (the voice of Homer, Grandpa, Krusty, and many others), rant as a homeless guy in the "Bart Sells His Soul" episode, going on and on about Hitchcock stole all of his ideas. It wasn't scripted; it was basically a two-minute improv. I knew I had something in mind when I took all of the excerpts from lo-traffic reactionary blogs on "The Left" and mashed them into one paragraph:
So The Left is using the Boy Scouts as a stepping stone to accomplish the goal
that they have been striving for 85 years. Keep in mind what Hitler did. It seems that The Left is about to get a cluebomb dropped from 35,000 feet directly on top of its collective empty head. Saying that The Left “recently lost its mind” is an inadequate explanation. The Left is behaving sane by their principles. The Left’s malfunction is not primarily psychological, although there is a psychological correlation. Let us not forget that The Left controls college campuses and The Left considers the Islamists to be their brothers-in-arms. The Left is The Left is The Left ad infinitum.
I mean, imagine if you replaced "The Left" with "John Stamos" or "an international cabal of Jewish bankers." Then you'd sound like Dave Coulier and Henry Ford, respectively. The next step in our unseen gamesmanship: trying to convert the standard rant into a Mad Libs format, assuming that there's enough variation between the different regurgitated talking points to make it work.
The next step in our unseen gamesmanship: trying to convert the standard rant into a Mad Libs format, assuming that there's enough variation between the various regurgitated talking points to make it work.
Oh, let's do it!
Posted by: Roxanne at February 16, 2006 08:40 AMEvery time I see the phrase "the Left" I hear it spoken like a Klansman saying "the Jew" and "the Black." Wonder why that comparison leapt to mind?
Posted by: Otto Man at February 16, 2006 09:57 AMThe next step in our unseen gamesmanship: trying to convert the standard rant into a Mad Libs format, assuming that there's enough variation between the different regurgitated talking points to make it work.
That's a bold assumption; my guess is when you test for it, you'll find it's been violated.
Posted by: The Venerable Ed at February 16, 2006 10:58 AMSubstitue aliens for the Left and I think you have an appropriate parallel of who you're dealing with.
Posted by: Mutant Cat at February 16, 2006 11:41 AMHey guys...nice try, but are you saying that the "left" does not exist? Only the "right" exists? Oh, and the "left" does not represent a set of philophical ideas, but is instead a "race"?
Are you saying that the "left", meaning a set of individuals who hold a certain set of ideals have no power and no influence?
So either the "left" either does not exist as a set of ideas, there are no people who hold those ideas, or...if such people do exist they are silent and without influence.
Interesting view of philosophy and politics boys, but lacking a certain grip on reality.
Andy
Posted by: Charlotte Capitalist at February 16, 2006 12:48 PMWhen I think of the Left, I imagine the monster from "Lost". bomp bomp, ch ch ch mooooooooooooan.
PS Andy, You suck and North Carolina hates you.
Posted by: Patrick Tutwiler at February 16, 2006 02:34 PMWell done and succintly put.
Is there a secret handshake that Lefties use when we meet and recognize each other? Or maybe it's like wearing a pinkie ring, or a red-shirt on Thursdays. We Gay boys have Gaydar, but I skipped the class where Lefties were taught to recognize fellow cultists.
Posted by: Houston at February 16, 2006 02:42 PMDammit, it's EVERY class, Houston! Have you learned nothing from David Horowitz?
Posted by: FlipYrWhig at February 17, 2006 12:54 AMI love how I am characterized as "reactionary," and yet, I somehow got a reaction from the reactionary proprietor of this blog.
Ironic.
Posted by: Good Lt at February 17, 2006 06:23 AMi think of norb as more of a concerned anarchemist.
Posted by: paperpusher at February 17, 2006 08:09 AMHoly crap... you've made the Wonkette.
Posted by: Hollenstein at February 17, 2006 09:55 AM"We Gay boys have Gaydar, but I skipped the class where Lefties were taught to recognize fellow cultists."
Leftdar?
Posted by: C.I. Dreyfus at February 17, 2006 07:19 PMCharlotte, the Left does exist. He owns this blog.
Posted by: Hysterical Woman at February 19, 2006 10:18 AM