February 10, 2006

(Don't Worry) If There's a Hell Below, We're All Going To Go

If this country was like an 18-round hole of golf, he would have shot a 231, impaled three caddies with golf clubs thrown out of frustration, accidentally blown up the clubhouse, drained the water hazard to build a TGIFriday's, and severely injured his own testicles in the ball-washer.

Two "what's so funny 'bout incompetence, corruption, and greed" roundups in one week? Consider yourself lucky. I'm also working on a separate roundup concerning budgetary matters, although a lot of it was touched in an as-yet-uncommented-upon Presidential speech remix earlier this week. You can also skip all this happy news and go to the Friday Random Musical 15 below.

(1) Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and House Speaker Dennis Hastert engineered a backroom legislative maneuver to protect pharmaceutical companies from lawsuits... the language was tucked into a Defense Department appropriations bill at the last minute without the approval of members of a House-Senate conference committee, say several witnesses, including a top Republican staff member. That doesn't sound like them.

(2) The law enforcement sources said the intelligence community has identified several al Qaeda agents believed to be in the United States. But the sources said the agents have not been found because of insufficient intelligence and even poor analysis. The assertions by the law enforcement sources dispute President Bush's claim that the government surveillance program has significantly helped in the fight against terrorism. Well, at least the President stopped multiple planes from crashing into LA high rises by throwing energized pretzels (a Gambit-like mutant power) at the potential terrorists.

(3) DeLay also claimed a seat on the [Appropriations] subcommittee overseeing the Justice Department, which is currently investigating an influence-peddling scandal involving disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff and his dealings with lawmakers. The subcommittee also has responsibility over NASA -- a top priority for DeLay, since the Johnson Space Center is located in his Houston-area district. Indictment has its privileges! By the way, I'm ashamed to say that I grew up in the district he's currently in. My father, a Republican-leaning independent, is still in there. Should be interesting in November.

(4) White House officials have confirmed to Congressional investigators that the report of the levee break arrived there at midnight, and Trent Duffy, the White House spokesman, acknowledged as much in an interview this week, though he said it was surrounded with conflicting reports. But the alert did not seem to register. I'm sure somebody made this joke before, but could we get a prostitute named Katrina to give the President a blow job, then trap him into lying about it, and then impeach him?

(5) Former vice presidential aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby has told a federal grand jury that his "superiors" authorized him to leak highly sensitive intelligence to journalists, including a New York Times reporter he allegedly tipped off to the name of an undercover CIA operative. And take your shitball Vice President with you!

(6) You'll also be heartened to know that, on the foreign policy front: we've prompted mass hunger strikes in people not accused of a hostile act (for going on four years, additional analysis by Jeralyn Merritt), that State Department weapons proliferation experts are being replaced by political hacks, that the former leading CIA counterrorism expert considers Iraq a gigantic lie and mistake, and that every measure of Iraqi infrastructure is worse now that it was in March 2003, despite $16 billion having been squirrelled away in offshore tax havens spent.

If I missed anything, I'm sure Mr. Riley will have your back. I'm going to work on a linked-up movie snob DVD review database, thereby pouring the most energy into the area of the site that seems to interest everybody the least. At least it won't cost $16 billion, fuck up our armed forces readiness, kill tens of thousands of people, and create more terrorists. Maybe two of those things, but not all four.




Posted by Norbizness at February 10, 2006 07:04 AM
Comments

A 231? Yeah, right, if you don't count him kicking the ball from behind a tree, taking gimmees from off the green, writing twelve on the scorecard when the rest of us counted seventeen shots and taking mulligans any time he felt like it. But that wasn't the worst part...it was really cruel and uncalled for when the PRess reported it as the most brilliant round of golf ever played, no one had ever seen anything like it, totally redefined the game etc.

Not to mention the worthless Democrats' response that they needed to do a better job of convincing golf spectators that they wouldn't have taken so many mulligans.

Posted by: The Venerable Ed at February 10, 2006 10:37 AM

quack. anything they want done has to be on the sly, because nobody's going to vote for shit.

Posted by: paperpusher at February 10, 2006 01:32 PM

That first sentence made me spit out my lunch. All I can picture is the Caddyshack Administration.

Posted by: DeAnna at February 10, 2006 02:29 PM

Did Hinderaker screw around with the line-spacing in here? It's been a while. Also, a little bird suggested that things are getting a little less light-on-dark around here. Solidarity man!! If we can't burn retinas, what can we burn??

Posted by: Pinko Punko at February 10, 2006 07:58 PM

Cherubs of C-SPAN unite!

We need a good ol' fashioned
BROADCAST SPECTRUM RECLAIMATION!

To reclaim the Public Airwaves. ( or a portion of )

To: U.S. Congress and the FCC

We, the undersigned, while believing in the importance of a Free Market and Freedom of Speech, also believe in the importance of The Public Airwaves to be used as mandated by the FCC "...In the Public Interest, Necessity, and Convenience." We believe the use of The Public Airwaves is crucial to spread knowledge, culture, and civics. We therefore write to petition you to consider major changes in the allocation of the Broadcast Spectrum.

The Public Airwaves are a Vast Toxic Wasteland.
Congress needs to hold hearing on THE STATE OF THE AIRWAVES.
They would find:

1) That the Broadcast and Cable companies have not lived up to using the Public Airwaves, as the FCC mandated "... in the spirit of Public Interest, Necessity, and Convenience."

2) That the FCC and Congress have " given away, rent free", the Public Airwaves.

3) That the Broadcast and Cable companies have "... made so much money doing IT'S worst, IT can't afford to do better."


In the 1990's the FCC, with much support from the Congress, auctioned off portions of the Broadcast Spectrum. One portion of the Spectrum that was being auctioned would potentially reach 16 million customers (citizens). Almost as many people as the population of the state of Texas.

That particular portion sold for $3.00. Three dollars! When former FCC chairman Reed was asked to comment, he said "...I wish I had three dollars".

This cavalier policy and stewardship of the Public Airwaves has been good for the Broadcast and Cable companies, and their stock holders. And absolutely hideous for Civics, Public Affairs, and Democracy.

Before 2009, the FCC will give away more of the Public Airwaves, worth between 80-100 billion dollars. Once again, the Public will be outside, looking in, as the Broadcast Spectrum goes to the highest campaign contributors.

What does the Public receive from the License holders, for their use of the Broadcast Spectrum? Inexpensive Cable and Satellite packages? Intellectually stimulating programs broadcast into our homes at no charge? Choices and Diversity? Event coverage and programming with redeemable qualities? Or is it "...500 channels and still there's nothing worth watching".

There are many Independent, Grassroots, and Localized ways to use the Broadcast Spectrum. But on the National level, the Country needs more Public affairs, more Civics. The unedited, undefiled paradigm C-SPAN has perfected, is the only thing We can all agree on. It promotes Democracy and Participation. Not even the corporate media conglomerates can be against Democracy.

We therefore call on the Congress, and the FCC, to hold hearings on the benefits of more C-SPAN. And to take steps to move forward with the endeavor of creating more C-SPAN Companion Networks. When there is more than enough Broadcast Spectrum to dedicate to Civics, Culture, History and Democracy, We should not allow greed to get in the way of the Public Interest, Necessity and Convenience.

Put the Public back in the Public Airwaves.

http://www.petitiononline.com/cspannow/

http://www.cspanjunkies.org/

Posted by: cspanjunky at February 12, 2006 10:30 AM

Plate of shrimp: I had that song on my random 10 Friday.

Posted by: Tom Hilton at February 13, 2006 06:00 PM

So what if anyone else has made the hiring Katrina...impeachment joke -- you can still send it in to Bill Maher, Jon Stewart, or maybe even Letterman??

Posted by: MaryCh at February 16, 2006 01:10 AM