Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

1. Cast Away 2: Wilson's Revenge

2. Santa unveils his new raydeer.

3. Horny, Horny Hippos

4. "General! The troops are ready and faaaa-bu-lous!

5. Fresh off the Tookie Williams execution, Gov. Schwarzeneggar brainstorms with Sylvester Stallone about a "Death Race 2000 meets Running Man" approach for future events.

6. "Well, we were gonna have turkey, but we fucked that up, too."

7. Looks like somebody ate his spinach.

8. Michael Jackson's official recollection of "the night in question."

9. "That's no moon. That's a space station."

10. Time has not been kind to Leif Garrett.

Oh, the Geisha one is my favorite, by the way. Nicely played.

10. Somewhere in Biblical Egypt, the Solid Gold dancers are wondering just what the hell happened...

5) A: If I had played Ivan Drago, I would have kicked you're midget ass.
S: Governor, it was a movie. It was in the script.
A: Bull! Special election! [who woulda thunk Sly would be more in touch with reality than the Gropenator? [does this qualify as a caption? It's probably too long. [Have I broken the captioning rules? Will the Left punish me?]]]

10) Not really a caption either. I would just like to know how Norb yanked an image directly from my dreams last night. I suspect the NSA was involved.

5. "Crom, I have never prayed to you before."

10. Disco Lizard was never the sensation his inventors intended him to be, mostly because of the 1978 massacre in Studio 54 in which eleven people were eaten.

10. Hypnotoad invites you to the 2nd annual fund-raising gala for the Church of the Mouse and Disco Ball. Attendance is mandatory.

Practice #5: "We're getting too old for this shit!!"

Practice #10: "Photo released today of Dick Cheney's abnormal prostate growth. The Vice President's pet anal lizard has expressed understandabe concerned."

1. Trying to cash in on the international attention recently awarded to that girl with the gigantic tumor on her face, some guy is going around claiming that he's got a soccer-ball shaped growth protruding from his face, but you can totally tell it's a hoax.

2. Santa Claus spares no effort to fulfill the the Christmas wishes of one little Johnny Tewksberry of Petosky, Mich., whose only request this year was for two stingrays.

3. Despite their diminutive stature -- roughly the same size as a box turtle -- experts say miniature hippos make unsuitable pets.

4. Run to the hiiiiiiiiiiiiills, run for your liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.

5. Despite your rubbery mask of a face, I am full of con-fee-dence that you vill be elected gov-oo-nuh of zuh state in vich you reside, Sylvestah.

6. Do I wish I were serving you turkey and dressing? You betcha. Heck, if it were up to me, I'd be serving you filet mignon and champagne at the Ritz Carlton. But, as you know, you go to dinner with the food you have. It's not the food you might want or wish to have at a later time. So here's your mini-corndogs and tater tots, soldier, and Merry Christmas.

7. Oh, he's on some Matrix shit, the way he's gonna do a backflip to avoid those bullets and then come down and kick that other dude's ass, ninja-style.

8. Several family organizations have urged a boycott of Mario Party 7: Return from Brokeback Mountain.

9. NSA staffers finish installing all-seeing eyes and death rays on the New Year's Eve Ball, which officials say provides a crucial tool in the war against obnoxious gambits to attract the attention of television cameras during the long-running holiday tradition.

10. The National Council Against Drug Abuse has extended an advisory to all Americans to refrain from toad-licking during their New Year's Eve celebrations.

#5 "Inventin' jokes ain't easy."

10. The National Council Against Drug Abuse has extended an advisory to all Americans to refrain from toad-licking during their New Year's Eve celebrations.

Good one.

But why didn't Australia just get Chinese Needle Snakes to eat them?

10) "You say 'lounge lizard' like that's a bad thing."

#2) After declaring victory over The Left in the War on Christmas, Santa takes a long over due holiday.

Don't doubt yourself - 8's my favorite.

1. Do not stare directly at Happy Fun Ball.

2. The Left sent Santa to sleep with fishes, never thinking he had a rebreather in his Santa belt. That magical bastard.

3. Quick! Call Rick Santorum!

4. You know Bush is dying to try on his own monogrammed version.

5. "Vy are you schtanding on der Telefonbuch?"

6. "You slide me a second helping, and I don't shoot you, kay?"

7. When challanging Federal Marshalls to a footrace, always let them win.

8. Unfortunately, carnies had assembled the stage. A pile of shattered bones and funny hats ensued.

9. MLB introduces its plan to combat Barry Bonds.

10. "Wind the frog!"

Nice call on the Hypnotoad, Grotesqueticle.

(*still snickering at "night in question"*)

1. Once the ball is infected with Rabies, it strikes at a horrifying speed.

2. Santa, on his way to make a delivery to a guy who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

3. This is a weird take on "Milo and Otis."

4. Uh oh- he's threatened! He's displaying his head frill! Watch out for the venomous saliva!

5. Mr. Schwarzenegger, your success gives hope to aging musclebound mooks everywhere.

6. In a just world, this is how it would have been all along.

7. Oooh, the MTA strike gets ugly.

8. A glimpse into what goes on in Bai Ling's mind.

9. How many green-hatted men does it take . . .

10. Let it go, Liza Minelli. Let it go.

2) A presidential panel provides photographic evidence that global warming has not produced severely disruptive climate changes.

I like #6.

5. And when Gastineau arrived, the monthly meeting of Red Sonja's Exes and Flavor Flav Haters came to order.

10. Tony really had no reason to treat Annette so poorly, especially since it was her kiss that lifted the curse.

Practice caption Sly v. Arnold:

Everone who will have a viable career after November 2006 take one step forward....uhhh, not so fast Gov. Shwarzenegger.

5.
dum dududum duh dum duh duh dum
dum dududum duh dum duh duh dum
duh dum dum dum dum DUM DUM

1. I don't care what they say, when a zit gets that big, you gotta pop it.
2. There really is a Manta Claus! (rim shot)
3. Santorum was right.
4. Wigstock opens with a Joan Crawford tribute.
5. (sorry, too dumb for a caption)
6. Lunch lady's uglier'n usual today, Sarge.
7. John Gibson's solution to turnstile-jumpers.
8. The Stones' new opening act was more animated than expected. (rim shot, dodges tomatoes)
9. (I got nothin)
10. The cane toad is also attracted by techno music and $2 cosmopolitans.

How did we get down to comment number 20 without a hearty thumbs-up for the Mr. Show reference?

1. "Now, young Skywalker, witness the power of this fully functional, 1:100000 scale model Death Star!"

2. Did the Japanese invent the fetish culture, or just refine it?

3. In the human-voiced-over animal buddy flick, the tortoise will be played by Danny Glover, and he *will* be getting too old for this shit. I so totally called it.

4. "Can I get your autograph, Miss Jolie? I'm a huge fan!"

5. "Look, Arnold baby, that line about the Schwarzenegger library in Demolition Man was a total one-off throwaway deal. Cheap laughs, the crowd loves 'em, my agent made me do it!"

6. "I see you eyeing this kitchen's stainless steel, young man, and I'm here to tell you that if it winds up armoring your vehicle, there will be a stern reprimand."

7. "I don't care how much you like Morris Day. Turn around slowly, and for God's sake stop doing "The Bird"!"

8. I don't care how fun it is, it was clearly designed by a sissy.

9. "Hey, when Lord Vader says the princess needs interrogating, the boys in the maintenance bay get down to business."

10. When single shines the triple sun / What was sundered and undone / Shall be whole, the two made one / By Gelfling hand, or else by none.

Okay, that last one pegs the obscurometer.

Okay, that last one pegs the obscurometer.

Posted by HWRNMNBSOL at December 29, 2005 01:06 AM

Dark Crystal! I know this one! It used to be the movie my babysitter let us watch before bed!

Dark Crystal! I know this one! It used to be the movie my babysitter let us watch before bed!

I'm going to crawl off and die in the Old Commenters' Graveyard now. Let my grave marker indicate that I died with my Birdwells and Vans on.

# I just finished first in my mandatory napkin folding class.

#5 You can call yourself governor- when you remove the pebbles from my hand,grasshopper.

#6 We're trying to get rid of this crap. We use the pans to uparmor the Humvees.

#10 When Frogs kiss Prince.