Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

We're All Weaknuts, But He Is Strong

From the "Where Are They Now?" file...

I honestly don't know why I preemptively sabotage my comments with pictures like that. In any event, my commentary is taken from a speech delievered from an endangered species preserve nestled in the piney woods of East Texas by former Republican Lieutenant Governor Bill Ratliff:

As opposed to the suggestion that we have too much religious influence on public policy, we actually have too little. Up to now, the application of religious principles in political debate has been mainly applied to abortion rights, same-sex marriage, intelligent design versus evolution and similar social issues.

This phenomenon isn't remarkable, of course. To call the people pushing the above issues "theocrats" assumes that there's some sort of sourced, consistent theology backing up their program. Rather, it's autocracy, or the use of the state to control personal choices, subdue science in service of a political outlook. After all, look at the Bible verses cited in support of the above retrograde positions...

1. Gay marriage: Levitical code regarding homosexual acts being an abomination, nothing by Jesus, and a stray remark by Paul in Romans where it's lumped in with fornicators and adulterers. In fact, as it's well documented, Jesus seemed to have a huge problem with divorce. Still, there's a huge overlap between the Moral Majority and Ronald Reagan worshippers.

2. Abortion: i.e. Life begins at conception. I haven't the foggiest idea. I think it stems from a Psalm where King David, a murderer and adulterer most favored by the Lord, claims that "even in the womb, you [God] knew me."

3. Intelligent design: Young-Earthers try to take Genesis literally, get some funding to camoflauge their creationism. The long, strange trip of Australian marsupials to rendezous with Noah in Mesopotamia is not comprehensively explained.

For instance, when considering how many poor children in Texas will be removed from the Children's Health Insurance Program in order to hold down costs to the state, they choose not to consider Christ's admonishment to "suffer the little children to come unto me."

Well, Bill, that's entirely unclear. Unless my King James English is off, I believe that the term "suffer" means "allow," and since Jesus is now back at the ethereal country club, cutting health insurance definitely hastens the children's reunion with him.

When considering how much to reduce funding for indigent health care, Medicaid for nursing homes, child abuse protective services or special education for handicapped children, there seems to be little recognition of Christ's teaching that, "in as much as you have done it to the least of these, you have done it to me also."

Unfortunately, recent cinematic depictions of our Lord and Saviour have convinced people that he's a masochist. If anything, our lawmakers are taking entirely too passive an approach; I would prefer that they go into the community and deliver stump-floggings.

It was Christ who said, "Much is required from those to whom much is given." We even have the teaching of Christ's parable, where he tells the rich man that if he wishes to enter the kingdom of heaven, he must "go, sell everything you have, give the money to the poor, and follow me." Talk about a high tax rate!

Maybe this can explain the depiction of Jesus as a sandy-blonde hippie with an unkempt beard--- he's Swedish! Without getting into the obvious example of televangelists, I can cite my hometown of Houston as an example. Apart from the huge number of strip clubs, there are a goodly number of megachurches where Jesus is presented as a financial advisor and life-coach.

We do not have too much advocacy for Christian principles in government and politics. We have a highly selective and hypocritical application of Christian principles in government and politics.

Republican Jesus hereby excommunicates you from the Church of the Eddie Bauer Customized Hummer H2, Mr. Ratliff. In order to get back into his good graces, you must perform several acts of penances: taunt a gay couple, yell garbled verses at a statewide textbook approval hearing, speculate on the Bolivian gold futures market (an opportunity I heard about on the Rush Limbaugh show), break the window-glass of a local merchant who is wishing his customers "Happy Holidays," convince a pharmacist to violate his/her code of professional ethics, and find evidence of interspecies buggery and/or pagan cultist activities in the old British cartoon series, Danger Mouse.

Posted by Norbizness at December 11, 2005 05:28 PM