December 01, 2005

A Message For Gay Catholics

But he looked so nice and non-vampiritic...

After reading the latest Vatican missive concerning the continued discrimination against potential priests who have "homosexual tendencies" or who support "the so-called 'gay culture,'" the average GLBT Catholic may have a few questions:

-- Why isn't this giant indulgence pyramid scheme filled with retrograde, hyperritualistic, supposedly celibate men more tolerant of alternative lifestyles?

-- Why won't they listen to my impassioned cries about their misplaced priorities and blatant hypocrisy as they support fascistic regimes, hide child molesters, and promote a doctrine of death by sexually transmitted disease in third world countries?

Unfortunately, the answer you get from these power-mad closet cases is not likely to be satisfactory. I don't think I'd even compare this to battered spouse syndrome. In order for that analogy to hold, you'd have to be told prior to the first date that you will be repeatedly beaten AND be handed (1) pamphlets and books concerning the spouse-battering theories he espouses and (2) a lengthy criminal history report detailing his past spouse-battering activities... and still decide that he has dreamy eyes and helps you connect to your spiritual side, so fuck it.

I mean, you wouldn't attend a Charismatic tent revival meeting out in East Texas with your partner under the theory that you really like snakes. Similarly, if you were an independent woman, you wouldn't voluntarily immerse yourself into rural Pakistani culture because you like fresh air. This isn't Black Republican territory... this is Black member of the Aryan Nation territory.

Of course, I'd prefer it if more people would drop their belief in some anthropomorphic Sky Fairy of Love as a defense mechanism against the shit a bunch of intolerant jackasses rains down on them. But so long as you're going to go the interconnectedness-of-all-God's-creation route, why not try something in the shit-free variety? How about Buddhism? Bring along some of your straight friends who are tired of being embarrassed!




Posted by Norbizness at December 1, 2005 12:09 AM
Comments

So, assuming he doesn't suck the blood of gays, drug users or hepititis patients for fear of HIV, where and on whom do you think he feeds?

Posted by: cookie at November 30, 2005 11:13 PM

1) I wonder, does the Pope have to ask forgiveness for every wet dream he has?

2) Isn't there some gay-friendly Christian church that was all the rage in the "Blogosphere"™ last year? They had a commercial that was banned from TV. Still, though, when it comes to unsanitary wine sippin', Catholics rock the hardest.

3) I know you don't read my local paper, Norb, but you may enjoy this snippet (a pun?):

"Someone wrote to me last week to ask, among other things, whether God has a foreskin. I hadn't considered the possibility that God had male organs." - Faye Flam (real name?), "Mr. and Mrs. God?"

You know, I never really thought of it, either. I mean, let's say you believe in a higher spirit, and you are trying to figure out how, why and in what manner God exists. Why would you spend any time thinking about God's penis? Unless you write for Family Guy, of course.

Posted by: ChrisV82 at December 1, 2005 01:32 AM

Other than exposing the church's blatent homophobia, I don't know what this document is meant to accomplish. All catholic priests take a vow of celebacy, so shouldn't any sexually active priest be unwelcome?

If it was to make it seem as if they are combating pedophilia, why not hold the bishops and cardinals who covered it up and sheilded the offenders accountable for their crimes?

Posted by: Stash at December 1, 2005 09:01 AM

But when Peggy Noonan was on The Daily Show last night, she said the Pope was so great that he moved people to cry, JUST BY WALKING BY THEM. Case closed, he was great.

As for the new pope, how could anyone who speaks German be a bad man?

Posted by: drew at December 1, 2005 09:39 AM

Wow, is Pope Benny disturbingly hot, or is it just me?

Posted by: doghouse riley at December 1, 2005 10:30 AM


I'm not a fan of the RC Church or its policies, but Norbiz, you're sounding waaay too much like a old-style White Southern Catholic hater with a white hood hanging in your closet.

Or do you think you're covered by a knee-jerk contempt for all Western faiths?

I love you, I love your sight, I lurk every day, the music and movie reviews are the best, but this attitude is nearly as ugly as the Vatican's anti-gay policy.

Posted by: wapsie at December 1, 2005 11:44 AM

I'm "covered" because I'm talking about a corrupt organization full of hypocritical homophobes, and not for the civil rights of individual American Catholics to be stripped because of the dictates of some musty text detailing the insane exploits of a bipolar Old Testament God.

But, if you want to play the false equivalence game where a medium-traffic blogger voicing an anti-discrimination, pro-science, and anti-superstitution opinion is just as bad as a multi-billion empire whose arcane sex policies are helping consign scores of Africans to death by AIDS (source here), by all means. Be more specific and don't pull out some bullshit, unsourced KKK reference.

And while you're at it, you can check out the archives to firm up my vita.

Posted by: norbizness at December 1, 2005 12:04 PM

wapsie, the point isn't religion per se - you take any well-intentioned, philosophically grounded organization, and then introduce to its philosophy the policies of exclusion, discrimination and, wups, criminal behavior, and suddenly you do not have a do-gooding organization.

Posted by: paperpusher at December 1, 2005 01:13 PM

In one of his books, Robert Anton Wilson wrote a mock 17th century pamphlet wherein one of the characters ponders the dimensions of Gods penis. It's Swiftian satire at it's best. The conclusion was that God, being a He, not only had a penis but the largest one aorund, and it was quite possibly a mile long, if not infinite.

Posted by: Keith at December 1, 2005 04:14 PM

And that is why deep throating God is not a chore to be finished, but one you work on your whole life.

I also love your sight, NB. It's all 20/20 and shit.

Posted by: drew at December 1, 2005 06:21 PM

Next day headline: Where did all the priests go?

Unrelated story: San Francisco and New York City see a boom in housing buys...

Posted by: BigBuddhaPuppy at December 2, 2005 01:23 PM

This sight is a site for sore eyes!

Almost as bad as nails on a chalkboard, or "its" vs "it's" fuckups.

Posted by: aaron at December 2, 2005 02:00 PM

Okay, maybe that was a little "anal". I apologize -- don't tell the church on me. They don't like that anal stuff.

Posted by: aaron at December 2, 2005 02:22 PM

Buddhism isn't perfect either. For one, many Buddhist argue that woman can't achieve enlightment. In the Lotus Sutra, a young dragon girl achieves enlightment...after becoming a man. One of the perks of the Pure Land ( a sort of mini-heaven where it's easy to achieve enlightment) is that there are no icky woman to distract you. No religion is perfect.

Posted by: Hysterical Woman at December 2, 2005 05:23 PM