November 30, 2005

"Release Me From Your Kung-Fu Grip!"

GEORGE W. BUSH HAS A POSSE

Time for another installment of current events explained with a Simpsons quote, something all of the hip young Internet writers are doing. This post is devoted to today's upcoming Presidential speech outlining his heretofore secret plan for victory in Iraq, just shy of three years after having actually started the war and 31 days after the "Mission Accomplished" carrier stunt. And tens of thousands of dead and maimed people and hundreds of billions of dollars. Sorry. Here it is:

Sherri: They changed Malibu Stacy!
Terri: She's better than ever!
Lisa: She's the same Malibu Stacy, all they did was give her a cheap hat! She still embodies all the awful stereotypes she did before!
Smithers: (pause) But she's got a new hat*!

The full text of the 35-page strategery document has been posted at The Washington Note in a .pdf file. No word on whether the sudden uptick of readiness of the native forces has been linked to any experiment in establishing the #3 John Negroponte Special (death squads), the deteriorating security situation inside the Green Zone (such that bathroom trips come with a military escort), random shootings of civilians in Baghdad by security forces, or the inability of the Army to meet its recruiting goals. I mean, the Administration wouldn't lie to us about the readiness of Iraqi troops or the amount of progress that's been made in order to bail out before the midterm elections, would they?

* new hat = bullet points




Posted by Norbizness at November 30, 2005 06:27 AM
Comments

But in this case she doesn't even have a new hat.
It's more like a new box. A paper box.

Posted by: Stash at November 30, 2005 09:26 AM

you'll see! you'll see! this is gonna be like the best new victory strategy ever! way better than the last dumb old victory strategy!


Posted by: dexter at November 30, 2005 11:28 AM

It reminds of me of an old wise southern saying:

"You can't polish a turd."

Posted by: BigBuddhaPuppy at November 30, 2005 12:44 PM

You guys need to check this out:
http://fuckkarlrove.blogspot.com/2005/11/are-you-serious.html

Posted by: Johnny Bardine at November 30, 2005 01:23 PM

The boulder is rolling down the hill. Towards the house that Bush lives in. He is the very one that caused the boulder to come careening down the mountain towards the house. He looks out the window....and slowly lowers the windowshade known as the "stateragy". "Ahhh" says he. "Things are getting better already".

Stay tuned.....

Posted by: 1MaNLan at December 2, 2005 12:37 PM