Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

PRACTICE CAPTION WITH PIG: Yes Mister Cherney, I'm spelling Jeff Gannon correctly.

Jesus, that first one's hard to top. Oh well...

1. "I'll bet Karl Rove is the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around!"

2. Safari World Baggage Claim is located on the Veranda Level.

3. Pope Benedict XVI apologizes to the Tribble community for the papacy's Reformation-era denunciation of Tribblekind as "pagan creatures.

4. "You know I cahn crush you, yes?"

5. Another Harley-Davidson rider gets his hog customized.

6. Secretary of Transportation Norm Mineta announces the administration's new approach to gas prices: live auctions.

7. "...and ... jazz hands for the big finish!"

8. "Just me and this hose? Are you shitting me?"

9. Prison was not kind to Tommy Chong.

Practice caption: An "exhausted" Courtney Love is weighed in prior to entering rehab.

#1 - Mister President, I could break your neck right now and become a national hero!
#2 - Somewhere in the Red States, scientists from Blue States perform an important experiment on ecology an' evolution an' stuff.
#3 - Hey, I worked with the Nazis and I became Pope! Dubya dodged the draft and became a 2-Term President! Kids, don't bother trying to make the world a better place...
#4 - No hard feelings for me having crippled you, ja?
#5 - Lazy hippie pigs! Gotta have their tattoos and their piercings!
#6 - Your children will be riding Segways, thanks to Dubya!
#7 - Nah, we weren't gonna whack Chavez. But here's how I'd do it, if I was gonna do it, which I'm not.
#8 - NOOOOO!!! SMOKEEEEYYYYYY!!!
#9 - Yeah, gonna smoke a doob, mellow out, then I'll finally get around to canvassing for McGovern...

#5: Duuuude, when he wakes up he's gonna kill you!

Love #9

that's you all over norb. a lie, and no heart.

#5 this week on frontline - the aryan swine: "some animals are more equal than others."

heh on #8....

#7: "So then, then Mrs. Rumsfeld is properly reclined I cross my hands and . . . "

Dammit, Otto Man, you beat me to the Tribble joke...

1. "Holy dog shit. Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Bush. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down."

2. "Go ahead. Pose me for a photograph with your children. I won't bite them. Much."

3. "I said 'leather bustiers', not 'feather dusters', you imbecile!"

4. "You call that a high five? You must be a girly-man. Here: I am gonna pump - " clap! " - you up!"

5. "Christ, I shoulda just let the eat me."

6. Secretary Mineta announces that the Department of Transportation is readying an emergency shipment of number 3 placards for the nation's filling stations.

7. "I call it the 'Donald Death Eagle'."

8. "Dude, what the fuck? Point that fucking flamethrower somewhere else! You damn near hit me with that one!"

9. "You know, this is some good shit." fffft! "But, man, nothing compares to the kind bud of '48."

#5: Utah police officer nabbed at day-spa just prior to "full-release."

...

#7: "Are we filthy new agers? No way. Do we still enjoy interpretive dance? You bet."

Private Bush, you are a grab-astic piece of unorganized shit!

#5: Roseanne gets one more tattoo before she's auctioned off to the highest bidder at the Iowa State Fair...

1. Now we want a fucking deadline for troop pullout our I'm going to choke you with your own pansy-ass fucking shoelaces, do you hear me private?!

2. You're not the boss of Tiger-Bot Hesh!

3. Ratzinger was surprised at the sheer numbers of the Fraggle congregation.

4. Und I promise to help with the stem cells and things of that nature that will rebuild your puny broken body. Ja.

5. Miss Piggy was a little hard up for cash after doing a nickel in the joint for tax evasion, so she chose to pose nude in Asia.

6. Accept our gas efficiency initiative. It is LITERALLY the least we can do.

7. Donald Rumsfeld was consistently the least happy member of the Happy Hands Club.

8. The Burning Man festival becomes just the "Burning Festival."

9. Oh great, now old people are smoking the reefer. That means they'll all be paranoid, borderline narcoleptic and forgetful. Oh, wait.

"Remember when all ya needed was a little lipstick?"

Er...that was for #5. Hi, norbizness!! (waves)

#1: "...and I don't see no horns on you, Mister President!"

#2: I guess the lady was behind the other door.

#3: The Roman Catholic Church reveals its plan to use Truffula Tufts to make thneeds, which everyone everyone EVERYONE needs.

#4: "So we can harvest your broken body for its stem cells? It's a DEAL, little man!"

#5: You have to show your colors when you're a prison pig.

#6: "And so, in summary, ass grass or gas, nobody rides for free."

#7: "The Wonderbra of Freedom lifts and accentuates our liberty."

#8: "The fires are nowhere near Baghdad! We will drive the infidel flames from our sovereign nation!"

#9: "Where's the beef? I got the MUNCHIES."

#1: No, in the Army, new recruits have to go through something called boot camp -- yes, they do wear boots -- where we scream at them and -- no, the Air National Guard doesn't -- I already told you that -- and we try to break down their -- Oh, forget it. Very nice to meet you, Mr. President. Good day, sir.

#2: Oh shit, Siegfried thought. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad, after all, if Roy had remained terrified of tigers for the rest of his remaining life. No need to rush things.

#3: Yes, zey are cute. But zese are not my lucky trolls, monsignor.

#4: Und you rememba what I said to you, right? Ja, you tell your mozza that I am staying in room 829 of ze hotel, ya, and I will sign autograph for your fadda some odder time, ya?

#5: Most of the world's tatooed leather jackets are now made in Asia, which has fewer restrictions on a practice that animal rights activists say is doubly cruel.

#6: Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta could totally tell that the eyes of the small assembled crowd of reporters had begun to glaze over as he explained that today's gas prices really weren't all that bad, if you take into account inflation and stagflation and 1981 dollars and such.

#7: Has the eagle landed? Why, heavens, no -- not yet, anyway. Could the eagle fly? I believe she could. In fact, the eagle could soar, and I say let her soar. That reminds me of a song ... "Let the eagle soar ..." (It's actually pretty tought to top the real caption for this photo.)

#8: C'mon, man. Quit screwing around and uncrimp the fucking hose. And would it kill you to pick up a fire extinguisher or something? God. Do I have to do everything?

#9: Dude, she is gonna be so pissed when she finds out this isn't medicinal.

#5: "The mysterious healing power of porkupuncture, on the next Deepak."

Practice Caption: "Dude-- this is gonna make a KICK-ASS jacket someday ... what? ... You're gonna stuff it and put it in a MUSEUM?? Shit. Well, I suppose I should just be happy you ain't gonna make lampshades out of it."

Practice pic: "Goddamit, is the Pandacam on reruns?"

#5:

"Keep tattooing, woman, I'm in the new David Fincher flick."

or

"And I want a little LAPD badge there above the rump."

#5 seems easy: Congress gets to work.