Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

Norb, I promise I saw it. Despite my boyish good looks, I am not Ashton Kutcher and you are not, in fact, getting punk'd. As Wolf Blitzer would say, you're in the Situation Room.

The clip happened right before 4:00pm EST, during the "Inside the Blogs" segment. It was about halfway into the bit. They named the blog, showed the Robertson post below, and highlighted one of the lines (sorry, can't remember which).

Wish I had a clip to send you, but no dice. Maybe the good people at "Crooks and Liars" can scare one up.

And, again, let me say how deeply embarrassed I am to have to out myself as watching CNN's "Situation Room."

I now understand Bart Simpson's dilemma when he had to admit he'd skipped school in order to clear the good name of young Freddy Quimby.

How did I get to this site, why is there no update on local Christian ministries and where are the BOGO coupons I was promised?

from adam schiff to blogalicious. it's a sexy rags to riches story, just like that velvet goldmine movie, except with no music and on the internet and in texas.

Significantly more exciting than the time I was linked to by Slate's equally useless "Today's Blogs" feature -- ah, the benefits of appearing near the top of a technorati search.

You shouldn't expect a traffic surge at all, alas. The blog reporters usually get everything wrong about the blogs in question, from URLs to authors' names. And no links from CNN.com neither. It's a fairly unhelpful and uninformative little segment, as my self-serving link hopefully demonstrates.

Whoa. You've been touched by Wolf. Now go wash that off before you catch something.

At least you can find solace in possibility the lack of a traffic spike indicates that, in fact, no one actually watches CNN, and its sole purpose for existence today is just to provide something for playback on all those video screens installed in airport terminals in the 80s so the waiting areas would look "futuristic".

What's Aaron Brown really like?

Well, I'm getting a spike, but it's from the good people at Crooks & Liars; at least I trust their readership to not be shocked and appalled by my many F-bombs, spelling errors, and anti-American propaganda.

Has anyone come forward with video evidence?

And if they do, can I still collect on the reward offer of a kick to the nuts? It's something of a fetish, like my constant longing to eat decorative soaps.

Your band was in the news recently, too:

Kraftwerk

ME! I wanna see it!

Congrats on being on CNN, norbizzy. I imagine you've been recently leaning slightly over your meager porch railing, celebratory red plastic cup of Franzia box-chardonnay loosely cradled at the rim between thumb and middle finger, misty and unfocused eyes reflecting another deepening Texas sky at sundown, sweating freely, liberally in the thick heat, and all the while the words echoing in your head, "I have arrived. I have finally arrived."

But on the real, nice quotes from Robertson, but I wonder if you have info on them, like date, location, interviewer, etc. Makes it look more journalistic and alleviates suspicion that they're made-up, which, I must say, is sometimes hard not to believe. Come to think of it, it would be a fun little game to make some up, really fantastically wacked-out hyper-lunatic spewings forth, and challenge readers to discriminate them from the real thing(s). Answers could appear below.

You're doing fine work, G. take care.

P.S. They let you come to work with that scraggly-ass beard? I guess if they don't mind you not doing any work, why would they mind you looking homeless? Do you even still have a job?