August 17, 2005
"'Cause You Don't Mess Around... With American Pride"
Do as many captions as you want! Clicking on thumbnails = larger, context-revealing picture. Lavish praise on your favorites. My current favorite: they all suck*! See the postscript!
If I were not the President, something else I'd like to be / If I were not the President, a bike policeman, me! / With a whirr whirr here and a whirr whirr there, and a whirr whirr all day long / With a whirr whirr here and a whirr whirr there, I'd sing this merry song! (eats pavement)
Scary Hammers: The Musical looks to have a big, government-mandated opening in Pyongyang's West End.
Those surveillance cameras at "Infant Marsupials 'R' Us" have begun to pay dividends.
Emo-core Aversion Therapy must begin at an early age if it has any chance of taking hold.
[practice caption time!]
Wait a minute! This isn't the drive-thru irony window!
I'm sorry, my English is a little... how do you say... inelegant. I meant to to tell you "Please take your grubby, claw-like appendage off of my bosom, you are infecting me with your virulent unfunniness."
You're so mangled by a horrible series of unproductive plastic surgeries, you probably think this song is about you...
The Bush Administration Guide To Ski-Jumping is about as reliable as you'd expect (recycled caption, sorry).
Actually, I am begging you to please improve on many of these captions (damned August malaise). You may even get to see your name in lights!
* OK, I like "Emocore," even as I'm unsure what it actually means.
Biker 1: Holy shit! Is that a buffalo?
Biker 2: Actually, no, it is Bos bison, commonly known as the American Bison. "Buffalo" is a misnomer, as it is not closely related to either the African Buffalo, Syncerus caffer or Asian Buffalo, Bubalus bubalis.
Posted by: JoJo at August 16, 2005 09:12 PM1. From a lowly Sheriff's Deputy to the highest office in the land, President Dangle always takes time to reflect on his Horatio Alger tale.
Posted by: LD at August 16, 2005 10:43 PM#1 - Oh, y'all laughed when I fell off the Segway -- Well, look at this, suckazz! No training wheels nor nothin'! (But why am I dressed in black in the summer? Am I the Man in Black? Nah!)
#2 - Queer Eye for the Straight Guy goes global! Let's get some kickier colors into those propaganda posters!
#3 - Poor Tink! Paris has rejected you, and so you cry yourself to sleep at night...
#4 - That Mozart for Babies idea? Didn't work out so well.
#5 - Bikers: Not as stupid as you might think. Buffalo: Every bit as stupid as you think. You wanna make something of it?
#6 - "If the van's a-crashin', don't bother gnashin'...your teeth or...somethin'...
#7 - Rob Schnieder: Why does America waste money on war and the space shuttle, when instead we could fund a massive effort to discover time travel, go back to 1963, and strangle him in his cradle?
#8 - Why am I still famous? When was my last hit?
#9 - Evel Knievel completely fails to understand the concept of cross-country skiing.
#1 - President Bush refuses to acknowledge a grieving, American flag protesting outside his ranch.
#2 - North Korean posters warn citizens to carry mallets with them at all times in case of Rob Schneider groping their titties.
#3 - Australian Foreign Minister, Alexander Downer, catches up on some sleep during Question Time in Parliament.
#4 - Latest release by a member of the Simpson family predicted to be even less successful than Ashlee.
#5 - "I can take you as far as Fargo, put ya gotta put out"
#6 - The 'other way' of stopping.
#7 - "Pass ze mallet, danka"
#8 - "Nobody does it better than my plastic surgeon, Though sometimes I wish someone could"
#9 - Afficiandos recommend skis when crowd surfing upon midgets.
Posted by: RoD at August 16, 2005 10:57 PM1) "You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel."
2) FRAME 1: Worker! no touching your breast!
FRAME 2: Soldier! no touching your breast!
FRAME 3: Touch your breast, you get THE HAMMER!
3) "Crap, I fed it after midnight!"
4) I hear that new music critic at Spin is a big baby, but don't worry: he's toothless.
5) "...because he was STAPLED to the CHICKEN! haha, huh, uh, I got nothing."
6) When you get a little older, it's sometimes hard to remember whether to drive on the left or right side of the sidewalk.
7) Mr. Schneider, your personal Academy Award category is now ready.
8) Nobody snorts coke better!
9) In the good-news department, I think I found Waldo.
1. President Bush and his imaginary friend Flaggy take a ride around the ranch.
2. Kim Jong Il proudly unveils the Fabulous Revolution.
3. "Is that a wombat in your lap, or are you just happy to see me?"
4. [I had a Simpson family reference all ready to go here before opening the comments. Damn you, RoD!]
5. Getting a peek at the bison close up, Reggie was starting to think his biker handle of "Buffalo Cock" wasn't a compliment anymore.
6. While Snoop Dogg was saddened to see his driving school had been ruined, at least he still had the other one -- Say Nutz!
7. Rob Schneider demonstrates how he wooed Bea Arthur for a role in Deuce Bigalow III: Geriatric Gigolo.
8. "Let.... the rigor run....!"
9. Gulliver's Cross-Country Ski Travels
Posted by: Otto Man at August 16, 2005 11:40 PM#1 Meaningless photo-op #13,345: take 7!! Okay, we got the flag. Okay, get of the bike and shove this wombat up your ass. Meaningless photo-op #13,346: Take 1...
#2 And the first question is for you, Karl Marx. "The Hammers." "The Hammers" is the nickname of what English football team? "The Hammers." No? Well, bad luck, Karl. It is, in fact, West Ham United.
#3 Meaningless photo-op #13,346: Take 1...
#4 "Like a Vir-ir-ir-gin..."
#5 How many horsepower is that Buffalo?
#6 sorry, I'm late.
#7 I'm in the last throes of my career. Fuck you!
#8 "Get this black phallic out of my face." (sung to the tune of Yankle Doodle Dandy.)
#9 The new Yello Ass airlines makes it maiden voyage at the Helsinki airshow and fruit festival.
Posted by: Kop at August 17, 2005 07:52 AMPractice: "Damnit, I said invite Mark *Ruffalo*!"
Posted by: FlipYrWhig at August 17, 2005 11:34 AM1. Yikes. Not only is he a megalomaniacal subhuman giggleman, he also has girlishly muscled calves.
2. Well, if there's one thing that communist dictatorships do well, it's posters.
3. The first images of Britney Spears baby are leaked to the press.
4. Gah! No! Not "Il Sogno!" Get me Costello's earlier work! EARLIER! Waaaah!!!
5. The buffalo later gave the biker a card for Madame Tinkertoy's House of Blue Lights, corner of Bourbon and Toulouse, before he was tragically killed while sleeping by the campfire on the way to Mardi Gras.
6. Further irony: "Say Dez" is a Canadian Colloquialism for "If you are over 85, you probably shouldn't be driving at all, gramps."
7. Historians will one day refer to any nadir of cultural decline as "The Point of Deuce Bigalow."
8. Edvard Munch's "The Big Finish."
9. Unpleasant ways to die, No. 2735.
Posted by: Vestal Vespa at August 17, 2005 11:39 AMOh, I don't know... the "eats pavement" addition had me laughing pretty hard. Nothing funnier than a President that can't ride a bike! Ha! Ha! (Sobbing)
Posted by: Paul the Spud at August 17, 2005 12:11 PM[Practice Caption]
"Andrew Sullivan added this as a favorite on 12 Aug 05."
Posted by: Chris Clarke at August 17, 2005 02:48 PMNorb,
#7 was just wrong, wrong, wrong.
Practice:
Ass, gas or flank steak, nobody rides for free.
Posted by: Grotesqueticle at August 17, 2005 04:26 PMBush on Bike
Sung to that terrific jingle "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing"
"I want to be the world's bike cop.
And impose my will on you
Keep women pregnant to provide more fodder
And turn the world to slop."
"I want to teach the world to ride
And peddle our troubles away,
Ignore the death and the debt
And nominate judges with much to hide"
"I have reached my incompetent height
Just what the world needs today
I can't hear what you say
My strap is on too tight."
It doesn't such any more than he does.
Posted by: jaye at August 18, 2005 05:17 AM#5: Buffalo CHiPs
Oh, and tear apart Emocore all you want; the genre screams for it.
Posted by: teh l4m3 at August 18, 2005 07:37 PM