August 16, 2005
I, For One, Think You're Full Of Grade-A Baloney
[By the way, new photos up at the Flickr site. Who likes unicorns?]
There is no God!
After last week's gender confusion post, I got semi-hooked on the parenting advice from Focus on the Family. This week's advice for raising a non-hellbound child concerns teachable moments:
The teachable-moment method of faith building enlightens your children about God in a way that captures their attention and changes their lives. No lectures. No manuals. No rolling of the eyes. No kidding! A “teachable moment” is like creating an on-the-spot commercial for biblical principles using simple, everyday language and familiar objects.
If you see a beautiful tree growing near a lake, for example, you can point it out and say to your child, “Isn’t that tree magnificent? God says that people of faith are like that tree. Trees stay strong because they grow near the water. People stay strong when they grow closer to God.”
"Closer? You mean like physical proximity? Where is this God?"
"No, son. You can't see God. Trust me on this one. I mean closer in the sense of an emotional bond."
"No thanks, my imaginary friend Gerald would get jealous. Anyway, what happens if the lake floods and knocks the tree over? Is that like when God sends a busload of church camp kids into a concrete highway median?"
"Well... er... just like the lake is calling the tree home..."
"Those poor church camp kids."
"Actually, um... people of faith are like Superman. You like Superman, right?"
"Not really."
"And God is like the yellow sun that gives Superman his powers."
"And who's the devil, then? Brainiac? Kryptonite? The really buff guy from Superman IV: The Quest for Peace who was created from Superman's DNA by Lex Luthor?"
"Exactly! So, as a person of faith, sometimes you have to fight the Devil. On the moon."
"Great teachable moment, Dad. I'm going to jettison this the first chance I get in high school. You know that, right?"
"You. Gay. Bastard."
Uh, parents, you may also want to avoid the subject of the Boy Scouts when gettin' preachy. God lovin' hasn't kept them safe these days.
Posted by: Paul the Spud at August 16, 2005 02:06 PM