Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

Practice:

... und wir FÄHRT zum Osten! Und wir FAHREN zum SÜDEN! Und wir sollen... Wartezeit ein Minute, ich channel Adolf. Heh-heh.

1. "Alright, buddy. Pull over to the side of the tarmac."

2. [can't top that one]

3. "Aye, 'tis a fine cross-country spree of mayhem, English."

4. The last known photograph of Neil Young before the abduction.

5. "It's fun to stay at the Y. M. C. A.! ... Now just the press corps!"

6. Thus commenced "Operation: Fabulous!"

7. Ravi liked to lighten up the dung-drenched atmosphere of the workplace with his festive, pink gloves.

8. "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Keith Richards!"

9. Disney's new knockoff reality show, "Heck's Kitchen"

Thanks to my advanced training, my hands are lethal. First, I karate-chop the podium, oo-WAAAA! -- then, I smash this petrified general with my head, hee-YA!

I'm still laughing about Yoo-Hoo.

#3: Although other members of the family went on to fame and fortune, Paw Knievel was simply not as compelling a showman.

#1 - Our luggage went to MARS?
#2 - Britney, honey, it's showing, believe us. No need for an arrow.
#3 - "I didn't come from no monkey!" Says Irate and Mobile Creationist.
#4 - Alien spaceship prepares to beam Neil Young aboard for anal probing and PAR-TAY!! (Apologies to Otto Man. I am a moral monster!)
#5 - In this improv exercise, Donald Rumsfeld pretends to be a box, while his friend pretends to watch birds migrating.
#6 - Queer Eye for the Military Guy (If You Don't Ask, We Won't Tell!)
#7 - I feel like a mushroom!
#8 - Miss Teen USA starts working her way up in the exciting field of alligator wrasslin'.
#9 - First, 'Debbie Does Dallas'. Now 'Goofy Does Hong Kong'. He takes off more than his gloves!

Tofutti tastes just like ice cream!

(Man, what didn't Mr. Show teach us?)

#5: You go to the bar with the fish-that-got-away story you have, not the fish-that-got-away story you want to have.

#5: Rumsfeld - "I'm telling you, it's this big"

Myers (thinking) - "Funny, I don't recall it being anywhere near that size. If only it were..."

"Focus, Bill. The trained poodles are this way. "

"So I says, 'yeah,' and she says, 'like, no way,' and I says . . . shit, will someone hit Myers's reset button, already?"

#5: Rummy: "Some ask, is my meat helmet this big? And I say, of course!"
Myers: "Meat . . . I love meat . . . so . . . meaty . . ."

OR

Myers: "When you wish upon a star . . ."
Rummy: "OK, that's it: I am now taking off my nice guy hat so I can beat some sense into this guy."

Myers: "I remember it like it was yesterday..."
Rumsfeld, waving hands sinuously: "Deeedle-deedle-deedle-doo, deeedle-deedle-deedle-doo." (Apologies to "Wayne's World.")

"Hear me God! Did *I* say it was that big? I did not."

"Hear me God! Did *I* say it was that big? I did not."

#6: Cirque de Soleil's current show departs from its no-violence tradition in a major way.

OR

"I cannot get the lid of my jar of rainbows. Who will help me?" "Sir, yes sir!"

1. Crap! can someone wave at that asshole and tell him to turn down his brights?

2. Funny, I remember the shirt with the arrow pointing up.

3. Wait- is he a professional Willie Nelson impersonator, or is he just one of the hundreds of completely unintentional Willie Nelson impersonators that converge on Sturgis each year?

4. Judging by the way that dogs cower and children cry upon hearing his voice, I've been convinced that Neil Young was only a part of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young because he had the best weed.

5. Myers' thoughts: Oh, Christ, here he goes with his "Excedrin Headache No. 234: Losing Ground to the Insurgency" schtick.

6. Their advantage is that if they stand side by side in front of the enemy, the opposing forces are too distracted to attack, due to the fact that you can see a 3-D schooner in their outfits.

7. After processing, the elephant dung is transformed into perfectly usable Republican talking points.

8. Her "talent" is wrestling them, but this one is a bit out of her weight class.

9. Whoa. This is what I saw LAST time I dropped acid and went to the Macaroni Grill.

Crap, somebody (kinda) beat me to it.

[Practice Caption] He's got a headache THIS BIG, and it's got "thorazine" written all over it!

Practice-
Myers: (thinking) Clint Black is going to be freakin sweet!

EVery one knows that Yoo-Hoo is bottled Galveston Bay water...

Rummy: I had to reach this far up Meyers ass to get him to do his Clint Black imitation at this morning's briefing.

{Practice} "General Myers has a requested a bong THIS big. But I says, you go the War Room with the drug paraphenalia you have, not the paraphenalia you want"

an oldie but goodie from a mr. show alumni - http://www.ruben.fm/ggc.html

General Myers pauses for a moment to contemplates an entire battalion of Iraqi National Guard wearing Sombreros.

If Rummy tells that fuckin' fish story one more time...