May 13, 2005
Location, Location, Location
Periodic bombings allow for breezy, open-air living!
For sale: Largely in-tact house with two of the main walls and approximately 15% of the roof remaining. A handyman's delight.
* Located in a quiet neighborhood (when there are not bombs or gunfire), mainly because many of the residents are dead.
* Minutes walk from smoking crater where supermarket used to be, but easement to open area from the backyard allows for nearly unlimited foraging to provide minimum sustenance for your children, who will have to travel a mere 15 miles to receive education 1 day a month in a freshly-painted, heavily guarded freedom school.
* Plenty of employment opportunities, assuming that you sell drugs or manage to correspond with an American envelope-stuffing conglomerate.
* Intermittent Delightfully inconsistent electricity, running water, sewage... perfect for the family that wants to get away from it all and rough it!
* Easy financing. No credit, no problem! Only have $144 in annual income? Talk to us about our non-existent First-Time Buyers program!
ASKING PRICE: $170 billion. But act quickly, because it's a seller's market!
Remember, 2nd place is a set of steak knives, 3rd place is you're fired.
Also remember the immortal words of Lionel Hutz, real estate salesman, "An added perk of selling real estate is that if the house is vacant, you can live there until it sells!"
Posted by: drew at May 13, 2005 10:25 AMYou could start a weekly "Adventures in Real Estate" feature. Think of all the inventory!
Posted by: roxanne at May 13, 2005 12:40 PMbut what about the schools?!
Posted by: dexter at May 13, 2005 04:16 PMMonorail! Monorail!
Posted by: FlipYrWhig at May 14, 2005 10:25 AMSign me up!
Posted by: urizon at May 14, 2005 08:10 PM