Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

For the Panda picture:

"A team of surgeons at UCLA Medical Center endeavor to remove a panicky Richard Gere from the colon of an unidentified panda. The panda's 'significant other' had no comment."

Yeah, but how does Orthodox Jewish Lincoln feel about 21st Century republicans?

Again with the Rorschach captioning:

1) "Think the black wristbands go with this dress? No?"

2) "This is for people like me, right? Then I wish I still had a career."

3) "Lugar may look like a monkey, but I have the behavior down cold."

4) The Lincolns fidget nervously as a group of John Wilkes Booth impersonators walk by.

5) [linking pics] before and after. Modern plastic surgery can do wonders.

6) The smoke signaling the boilers lit, the entire chapel then steamed off down the TIber and into the Med [hard to come up with anything besides pot jokes]

7) Noting their work with the panda-camel, OBL obtains the perfect disguise.

8) "Something reminds you of my polls? What are you talking about?"

9) The recently built roadway into low earth orbit will make shuttle travel much safer

5b) The new Power Rangers: Arabia will air on Fox starting June 3rd, marking the 27th spin-off in the series.

Throwing a bone to homosexual Catholics, Pope Benedict XVI insists that his advisors must all wear hot pink chasubles.

"Oh, it's a STAR! okay, the meds are starting to kick in."

"...and then Ackroyd moves the oranges around inside the stocking, and he puts them over his eyes shouting 'I'm a bug! I'm a bug!' Man, that flick gets no love!"

Unfamiliar with cameras, the Amish do not know which way to look for wedding photos.

[practice 1] Ling-Ling -- a panda barely alive.

[practice 2] Rare early footage from the original Star Wars movie, before all the details of Tatooine had been fully realized.

Relax, everybody; the cardinals just left the empty coffee pot on the burner.

No Woman No Kvetch!

"Line up everybody! we'll fix the Social Security shortfall here and now!"

That's nothin', baby. Check out how she corners.

5b. My prime directives are to protect the innocent, uphold the law, and destroy anyone who calls me "camel jockey."

5a. "Hey, if I move this bamboo shaft to left... is that a red panda? It is, isnt it?"

5b. Confusion in Iraq after it is revealed all of the Ukraine's troops left weeks ago, leaving shop-front dummies on camels to patrol 2,000 sq km.

5a. The world failed to heed Judson Cox's warnings, and cloned pandas of mass destruction came one step closer to reality this week.

1. Step back yo, I'm Supreme Pontiff
I'm so holy, Jews tell me good yontif
That's right I'm Pope, and you just a Cardinal
Don't need ho's to know I'm still harder'n y'all
Ratzinger got bling and nothin' to pay for
You got less taste than a communion wafer
Don't be hatin' cuz I got picked
Friends call me Panzer, but you hafta call me Benedict

Hey! That's my camel suit!

Protestors in Qatar complained that the robo-jockey was the latest example of how automation is deny children economic opportunities.

[Shuttle] Look, chief, they're gradually getting away.

5b. The Bush administration has finally released proof of Iraq's animatronic camel-borne suicide bomber wmd program.

Panda: "In a desperate attempt to replace the recently retired 'Lester', Willie Tyler hires a team of morally bankrupt surgeons to hollow out Ling-ling and make him into a puppet"

Kamel: "Once the camel itself can be turned into a robot, as well as the spectators, Camel racing can finally return to its roots as, wait, why the hell did we start doing this in the first place?"

5b "but i told you, i'm a protocol droid!"

I dont't know that I can do any better than Flip's superb pope rap or the banjo getaway music. But a girl can try, anyway . . .

1. {Tori Amos}"I've got my red phelonion on, honey, but I always could accessorize{/Tori Amos}

2. Does this mean I'm still famous?

3. But! Down came the rain and washed the spider OUT! OUT I SAY!

4. These guys look disorganized now, but once they all got into the kick line, they were like the Blue Angels of dance.

5. The panda soon regretted his decision to run with the bulls of Pamplona.

5b. Does anyone else find it amusing that the robot jockey still wears a helmet?

6. You smell something? Damn, another magpie got into the chimney.

7. What's next? Amish rapcore? Mennonite disco? Mahayana techno? (okay, that would be kinda cool)

8. The war in Iraq was a failure, the economy in shambles, and the finger pointing began.

9. Brent Bozell's Parents Television Council is lobbying to ban all phallic objects from television, so enjoy your shuttle footage while you can.

#3:
Lugar: "How'd this session get away from me? Damn, now I have the runny shits."

Searching for funny, not-too-insulting "Panda smells like ass" joke for Amanda. Hmmmm.

#1: (in star wars emperor voice) I'm looking forward to completing your training. In time you will call *me* master.

#2: i wish i had some blu-blockers too.

#3: what? no fucking way!!! shaq fucking plowed right into him!!!

#4: these men just can't seem to figure out why there are no women around...

#5a: we can rebuild him...we have the technology...(cue robotic sound effect)...

#5b: the new defense department unveils the new robo-hideen mark 2, which will finally be able to infiltrate the ranks of al qaeda without detection or fear of leg amputation.

#6: the thick smoke billowing out of the sistine chapel gives us our first clue as to why the conclave even bothers to perpetuate the whole pope racket.

#7: matisyahu, poet and a prophet. matisyahu, taught me how to off it.

#8: karl rove reaches out from behind the curtain to take the guesswork out of dubya's day-to-day tasks.

#9: cannot top the banjo getaway music.