October 20, 2004

This Website May Not Be Responsible For Your Nausea

That's it, I'm getting in the plastic bubble

All credit due to Tom Burka for getting me started on this particular time-waster. Add your own thinly veiled metaphor or wacky headline in the comments:

-- Vaccine Shortage Solution To Social Security Problem, Says Thompson (Tom)

-- Plenty Of Vaccine For Battleground States, Says Thompson (Tom again)

-- Administration Dismisses Flu Vaccinations as "Junk Science", Endorses Chicken Noodle Soup Instead (Beast of Sound)

-- Thompson Releases Prayer RDAs for Flu-Vulnerable Populations

-- President Claims Yearly Flu Outbreak 'Completely Unforeseeable'

-- "We have to be right 100% of the time in preparing for the flu, but the flu only has to be right once." (reader submission)

-- "And I warned him about this flu. I had deep misgivings about the vaccine shortage, deep misgivings. And I was trying to say, 'Mr. President, you had better prepare the American people for sickness.'" Robertson said the president then told him, "Oh, no, we're not going to have any sickness." (current news)

-- A recently released Gallup poll indicates that 94% of Americans are unconcerned about the flu this season. Internal numbers indicate that 93% of those polled have been permanently inoculated against the flu by experimental Rich Whitey medicine available exclusively to those privileged enough to be selected by a Gallup pollster.

-- Crowd: We need a cure! We need a cure!
Hibbert: [laughs] Why, the only cure is bedrest. Anything I give you would be a placebo.
Woman: [frantic] Where can we get these placebos?




Posted by Norbizness at October 20, 2004 12:27 AM
Comments

I hear that 72% of all statistics are made up on the spot...

Posted by: Ober at October 20, 2004 10:08 AM

Bush: We Cannot Win the War on Influenza

Kerry Flip-Flops, Advocates Alka-Seltzer Over Thera-Flu

Mother Abigail: Here Comes Captain Trips

ASHCROFT, DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE DECLARE ILLNESS ILLEGAL -- Florida Black Voters Apprehended

Posted by: HWRNMNBSOL at October 20, 2004 10:15 AM

McClellan: This "flu" that everyone has been speaking of is nothing more than a myth created by the shadowy groups that have cast a pall over this campaign. At one point there may have been some flu-related-program-activity but, obviously, that's never been proven.

Go ahead, Helen...

Posted by: UncleHornHead at October 20, 2004 02:59 PM

The flu viruses that we are seeing are nothing but a bunch of deadenders.

Posted by: paperpusher at October 20, 2004 03:05 PM


Captain Trips: LOL!

Posted by: Roxanne at October 20, 2004 03:30 PM

"Healthfulness is on the march."

"Two-thirds of all the flu-stricken people have been captured or killed."

"I own a drugstore? Anybody want some Theraflu?"

Posted by: dexter at October 20, 2004 06:28 PM

Actual Hubble Telescope photo of God creating the universe.

Posted by: Joe.Friday at October 21, 2004 09:16 PM

This year's flu strain is likely to be worse for those already infected by the chronic brain-mold condition that is the sickle-cell anemia of the fungal-mentalists. Symptoms include a heightened sense of the black-and-white nature of all things, reduction in ability to learn by trial-and-error due to failing to recognize the difference and a dangerous inability to recognize inherent vulnerabilities and common traits of the species, resulting in hi-risk behavior in work, play, human interaction and traffic.

Posted by: pam at November 3, 2004 12:55 AM