October 14, 2004
Who's The Better James Lipton: David Cross or Will Ferrell?
Yes, I know this is Will Ferrell. It is not meant to skew the question in the title.
Why the fuck not? He's spent 2 hours with Michael Myers and John Travolta, devoted actual air time to listen to Ben "Dolphin Asshead" Affleck talk about his craft, conducted interviews with relative lightweights Hugh Jackman , Ethan Hawke, Hugh Grant, Jennifer Lopez, Sarah Jessica Parker, Will Smith, Ben Stiller, the Will & Grace cast, and Drew Barrymore, and, most importantly, actually invited Billy Joel, whose acting experience consists of lip-synching to "Uptown Girl" in mechanic's coveralls, to be on the show. So give him some room to breathe here:
1. When you first arrived on the scene, playful... yet wise as the hills themselves... in The Decline of Western Civilization II: The Metal Years, popular music was dying, wasn't it? How did you set about to save it?
2. Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the church door in Wittenburg. Could you flesh out some of the philosophical influences on your startling debut manifesto: "Nothin' But a Good Time"?
3. Like the unbroken string from Socrates to Plato to Aristotle, the neophytes of rock must inevitably turn to their masters. Please explain the thought process that went into covering Loggins & Messina's "Your Mama Don't Dance." Please explain how it turned out more poignant and sassy than the original, which none of us at the time thought was possible.
4. Silence can sometimes be louder that the cacophony of 10,000 screaming people. Bret, after the Unskinny Bop, was there really nothing more to say?
5. Bret, feel free to decline to answer this question if it hits too close to home: but that cowboy with the sad, sad song... that's you, isn't it? You're the cowboy. Waiting for the dawn. Which every night has, so I'm told.
6. When you arrive in heaven, which two former Hollywood starlets will you humiliate with a drunken, filmed ménage à trois?
7. - ? [your contributions welcomed. The more obscure, the better]
I'd like to thank that one Poison song that appeared between the Cinderella and RATT songs on some late-night poodle-haired metal compilation commercial for forcing me to do this. Did you think this was voluntary on my part?
Check yer email. Another hack photoshop job should be waiting for you...
Thanks for the picture, Patrick. Now, as a graduate student in the musicmixology department at the Actors Studio... do you have a question for Mr. Michaels?
Posted by: norbizness at October 14, 2004 11:01 AMWhich blush - Clinique or Max Factor?
Posted by: paperpusher at October 14, 2004 11:05 AMUmm... just tell him...
"It uses the loofah, or it gets the falafel...."
Posted by: patrick at October 14, 2004 11:06 AM"Bret, if C.C.'s Les Paul were here speaking to you right now, what would it say?"
Anyway, he's having Jen Lopez on his show this season. Michaels doesn't seem like much of a stretch.
Oh, and the answer is Cross.
Posted by: steve at October 14, 2004 11:38 AMWhat was it like to fight for the 1st amendment when the powers-that-be censored that long-tongued demon on the cover of "Open Up and Say Ahh"? Weren't there literally minutes of protest between you and your corporate masters over that? Do you feel linked in spirit with Zappa and Biafra?
Posted by: oyster at October 14, 2004 05:09 PMIs Stevie Nicks the Faye Dunaway to your Warren Beatty?
Is Pamela Anderson the Hume Cronyn to your Jessica Tandy?
Posted by: Cleetus X at October 15, 2004 11:12 AMYou've enjoyed a nearly symbiotic relationship with the underground art scene and the world of avant-garde filmmaking. If you had the opportunity, would you prefer to score the seminal film Angel, or compose a sound installation for an Angelyne art exhibit?
Posted by: wholly without merit john at October 17, 2004 08:36 AM