October 11, 2004
The Open Thread Will Continue Until Morale Improves
While I'm on vacation, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany comments, or I will definitely fuck you up.
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UPDATE (Monday, undisclosed location): Well, it's another lamefest in the open thread. I need material I can steal, people, not more Full Metal Jacket quotes! Further, if the Astros lose tonight, in addition to the soul-crushing UT defeat on Saturday, you are going to see me angrier and stupider than ever when I start posting regular-like again.
Sir! Yes, sir!
Posted by: paperpusher at October 8, 2004 09:37 AMwe grillin' tonight!
Posted by: capital P at October 8, 2004 11:00 AMI have no idea what that means, but I'm afriad if I don't leave a comment you will make me very sorry I didn't.
Posted by: hope at October 8, 2004 11:06 AMDID YOU JUST CALL ME AN ASSHOLE!?!
Posted by: Haggai at October 8, 2004 12:10 PMI will if you want me to, Haggai.
Posted by: pissed off patricia at October 8, 2004 02:21 PMHeh, no thanks, patricia. I was just throwing in another Full Metal Jacket quote.
Posted by: Haggai at October 8, 2004 02:46 PM"What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker? I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister. You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you. Now get up! Get on your feet! You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!"
FMJ fun fact 28: Private Pyle was buff as fuck when production began. He spent months eating ice cream and sitting around on the couch like Jack Kerouac to get into shape. Among other things, his girlfriend left him because she couldn't stand it. Query: if you're Eddie Vedder's ex-girlfriend and you inspired "Black," do you admit it, ever, to anybody, or do you keep your pie-hole shut? I've always wondered.
Fun fact 29: Matthew "Mormon" Modine was uncomfortable, you know, actually playing the character of Sergeant Joker. This contributed to the movie turning into shit after Parris Island, as did the fact that R. Lee Ermey's character was dead. Ermey bullied his way into the part for fear that the movie would turn into shit if left to idiots and ar-teests, but when your character dies, you kind of lose control of the set.
Fun fact 30: There are two sniper scenes and at least three fratricides in the book, and in the end Joker kills Cowboy. Hollywood is a small intestine, and between Toronto and New Zealand it's turning into a vermiform appendix.
Posted by: Mike D. at October 10, 2004 08:34 PM"Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?"
norb would probably have something to say about christopher reeve's passing. my favorite moment in the Superman movies is when the three criminals were superimposed against a background of telephone poles as metaphors for crosses. or did i dream it?
Posted by: paperpusher at October 11, 2004 12:50 PMNorbizness, you better get your head, ass, and this computer wired straight or I will take a giant shit on you. Undisclosed location... Don't you love Kerry, soldier? Haven't you seen the white light?
Posted by: Nick Tyler at October 11, 2004 03:54 PMhey - does anybody have any idea what's actually supposed to be in that fuckumentary that Sinclair Broadcasting is hustling?
Posted by: dexter at October 11, 2004 08:35 PMIt's about how Kerry prolonged the war and " permanently branded in the American psyche the image of Vietnam veterans as murderous “baby killers” and “drugged out losers," which evidently you're not allowed to do, even if there is rampant drug abuse and babies are getting killed. (I don't actually blame Vietnam bets for Vietnam, BTW. Put people in an impossible situation in which their lives are in danger constantly from an enemy they can't see, for a reason that makes no sense, and bad shit happens.) (That could NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.) It's not what Kerry did, but since when did we give a shit about what actually happened in the past?
Anyway, it's an incredible coincidence that this little turd is being aired at this particular time, dontcha think? Why don't they save it for their Holiday Programming Salestravaganza?
Posted by: virginia at October 11, 2004 09:11 PMUndisclosed location my ass... hope you're having lots of fun clearing brush, or whatever the hell you people in Texas do for fun.
Posted by: wholly without merit john at October 11, 2004 09:26 PM