September 29, 2004
I Could... I Could Put Strychnine in the Guacamole
Some visual diversions for my poor, beleaguered audience...
Begone, you pusillanimous pastiche of persnickety, pompous peckerwoods!
Warning. Some collector's plates decrease dramatically in value.
Animal rights activists are heavily protesting the new Whack-a-Seal arcade game.
When I was a boy, the idea of placing an annoying, eccentric billionaire into permanent orbit was just a beautiful dream.
With such rampant abuse, nobody's making fun of John Ashcroft's statue titty-cover initiative anymore.
Astronauts with time to kill after the grounding of the Space Shuttle program have holed up in the Kennedy Space Center crackhouse.
[more in the extended entry, including one you can caption yourself...]
Would someone please hook this guy up with the rest of the beer bong? He's been like this for 3 hours!
You'd be surprised how many kilos of cocaine fit in a burro's small intestine.
[Your turn, readership!]
Looks like they've green-lit the Willie Nelson vs. Predator project.
The sign ain't lyin', fellas! That guy has arms. Let's scram!
Nothing represents "the soft bigotry of low expectations" more than the devaluation of the word "babe".
Posted by: Christopher McGrath at September 28, 2004 09:58 PM"Florida is a battleground state. And, owing to hurricane damage, its value is presently depressed. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I have decided to buy it."
"I think we have time for one more question....whoops, sorry, the Greys are here; gotta go."
Those bastards; they froze the Taco Bell dog in Carbonite!
I dunno what genius threw Sting out the airlock, but I'd like to shake his hand.
That blind guy's pretty into her, but he'll lose his wood quick when he gets to the arms.
My God; it's full of Legos!
"But Your Majesty," protested the small boy, "you're not smoking an enormous hand-rolled dooby ! There's nothing in your cigarette holder at all!" And, slowly, the people began to realize that they had been duped.
Chin up, Saddam; even deposed ex-dictators can have a future in America. Just ask Manuel Noriega.
Similarly, with enough beer, voting for Bush might start to look pretty good too.
Pirates of the Caribbean sequel + Steven Seagal's next project = Me clawing my eyes out
WRITING GRAFFITI ON WALLS, HOWEVER, IS JUST FINE
Mail in four proofs of purchase from Cherry Skoal to receive your free copy of "Girls Gone Wild: RNC Edition."
Posted by: wholly without merit john at September 29, 2004 09:24 AMdamn! beat me to the ggw ref! and a good one, too!
Posted by: dexter at September 29, 2004 12:53 PMAlthough it may not be reflected in the usual performance metrics, the hideous-tank-top sector continues to expand.
Posted by: FlipYrWhig at September 29, 2004 07:27 PMIn a last ditch attempt to sway the votes of the religious right, Tom Daschle reveals his divine glory
Bush/Cheney 2004: Votes for Kerry make baby seals cry
"I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords"
"I think I feel a lump"
The can do spirit of NASA wins out yet again, as workers find a low tech alternative to air conditioning
Talk about trumpet envy
I warned you gay marriage would lead to burro brides! Didnt I warn you!
The Kerry campaign finally shows a little imagination
Mr. Ventura, a Randy "the Macho Man" Savage just called. He wants his beard braids back.