September 28, 2004
Better Living Through Analogies
There are no wrong answers, except three of them.
(1) Presidential debates : informed electorate ::
(a) powdered donuts : healthy children,
(b) Michael Irvin's coke-addled ESPN pre-game show rantings : winning 4-team football parlay,
(c) homeless street preacher : eternal salvation, or
(d) watching extreme makeover program : strutting down the catwalk for Giorgio Armani in Milan.
(2) U.S. military options : Iranian nuclear problem ::
(a) shaking fist : kids driving too fast on suburban street,
(b) praying : bad things happening to good people,
(c) eating several handfuls of sun-dried mayonnaise : running a marathon,
(d) dating regularly : wearing your commemorative "100 Trips To The Free Clinic!" T-shirt.
(3) Shorter tours of duty in war zones : re-enlistment in Army Reserves ::
(a) 35 cent-off coupon : purchasing services at the "I Can't Believe I Got Kicked In The Groin" mall kiosk,
(b) going "commercial-free" : watching Will and Grace outtake marathon,
(c) free shipping : Dan Hedaya 14-month beefcake calendar.
(d) free carton of unfiltered Eastern European cigarettes : driving away in a vintage '84 Yugo from Crazy Vaclav's House of Automobiles.
(4) Record cocaine seizure : War on Drugs ::
(a) blowing up Iraqi oil pipeline : War on Gas-Powered Vehicles,
(b) children's umbrella : War on Getting Wet During Hurricane Ivan,
(c) gouging Michael Bay's eyes out : War on Shitty Hollywood Movies,
(d) publishing abstinence-only textbooks : War on Teenage Sex.
Don't worry, this will be graded on a curve. Suggest your own fresh analogy-ripe topics or additional choices for the existing questions. That's an order.
filing absentee ballot in Fla : pissing into hurricane Jeanne.
kerry landslide : likelihood of Parcells and Gibbs using up over half their timeouts this season on replay challenges.
Posted by: paperpusher at September 28, 2004 10:35 AMI know "Bush : President" is a good one, but I can't think of an analogy.
Posted by: Josh Narins at September 29, 2004 01:11 PM