September 08, 2004
You Must Sign an H.F.P.S.T. Loyalty Oath Before Reading This
Gee, woulda look at all the room you have to photoshop something in on the right?
[I suggest turning to Bill Shatner's "Rocket Man" video composite for inspiration]
It's official! We're now officially the 382,385th weblog to weigh in on the following wit and wisdom from Dick "Criswell" Cheney, which means that I get a used Fudgiscle from the internet's lost and found department (delivery time: 4-6 weeks):
"It's absolutely essential that eight weeks from today, on Nov. 2, we make the right choice, because if we make the wrong choice then the danger is that we'll get hit again and we'll be hit in a way that will be devastating from the standpoint of the United States."
(1) The Initial Reaction: Go to hell, you fascist, fear-mongering douchebag.
(2) The "I Think It's Irony, But I'm Not Sure" Reaction: Wait a minute. This fascist, fear-mongering douchebag is actually warning us of the dangers of his incompetent ass being returned to office.
(2a) The Sentimental Reaction: Wait an additional minute. This person, who appears to be a fascist, fear-mongering douchebag, is actually a sensitive, nurturing individual. He knows that Halliburton is in trouble, and, like a mother wombat, wants to get back to corporate headquarters ASAP to protect all the baby wombat shareholders. That is so sweet.
(3) The "Oh Shit" Paralysis Reaction: He's a robot, right? Robot's don't make mistakes. That's it, I'm not making any choices, because if I make no choices, then there's no chance they will be wrong choices.
(4) The Solipsistic Reaction: He's testing the limits of loyalty for the Administration apologist quadrant of the blogosphere.
(5) The Ennui-Laden Reaction: Zere are dangers everyvere (long drag off of cigarette).
Caption time:
"Let's see what's behind FLAG NUMBER ONE!!"
My reaction is that it's a threat. "Oi, nice democracy you got there, guv'nor; shame if anything, you know, 'appened to it...."
The "I know you are but what am I?" reaction: The biggest attack so far was on your watch, you haven't caught the ringleader, if you win there will be more attacks...this means I should vote for you in your imaginary universe, right?
Scorpio
Eccentricity
I think he just means that if he loses, his heart will finally explode, taking the lives of everyone in his secret underground bunker in the process.
Posted by: Steve at September 8, 2004 04:07 PMHow about option 6 - he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. This is the same guy who was trying to sell the Mohammed Atta in Prague story long after everyone else knew to shut up about it.
Posted by: wholly without merit john at September 8, 2004 04:29 PMOr as Evan said over at Notes from the Legal Underground - "it's an old mafia trick. First you scare 'em, then you sell 'em insurance."
I was less profound. I just used a lot of profanity.
There's an interesting article at Rolling Stone:
Should George W. Bush win this election, it will give him the distinction of being the first occupant of the White House to have survived naming Dick Cheney to a post in his administration.
[...]
"Cheney's manner and authority of voice far outstrip his true abilities," says Chas Freeman, who served under Bush's father as ambassador to Saudi Arabia. "It was clear from the start that Bush required adult supervision -- but it turns out Cheney has even worse instincts. He does not understand that when you act recklessly, your mistakes will come back and bite you on the ass."
(via Harry on the shop floor at the Factory of Infinite Bliss)
Posted by: Mentis Fugit at September 8, 2004 07:13 PMMentis--
Sounds good, but when has Cheney actually been bitten on the ass, at least hard enough that he knows what bit him?