Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

Ask The President This Pre-Approved, Non-Confrontational Question

Kiss the mic, Billy. {WHACK!} Microphone KISSES YOU!

(explanation of caption here under "Thrilling Miracles") Thanks to today's White House Briefing in the Washington Post, I've found a comedy mother-lode in the guise of the heavily scripted and vetted "Ask The President" sessions. Currently, there are ten of these travesties, and I'm trying to figure out the correct comedic approach.

Right now, the leading angle is to (1) keep the questions as they are, but have the President treat them as if there's some sort of hidden subtext that's challenging his version of the facts or his intelligence, and for him to respond in true Nixonian paranoid fashion. Of course, we could also (2) keep the answers the same, and the questions could be changed into bizarre, inappropriate inquiries. For example, from the first farce in this ongoing series:

Q: Hello, I would like to know how can I help you win more Latino votes in the state of Michigan? (Applause.)

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. Now, those are the tough kind of questions. Thank you, sir. En primer lugar vamos a ganar. I said, in the first place, we're going to win. I think you need to explain to the people from all walks of life that the American vision I have is for everybody to be able to realize their dreams -- not just a few people, but everybody. It starts with a good education system. It starts with a system that just doesn't shuffle kids through, see?

Using the first approach, the answer would look like this: "Thank you. Now, those are the tough kind of questions. I mean it. To be honest, I didn't know that there were Hispanics in Michigan. That's a lot of rivers to cross! (mild hissing) Oh shut up! I mean, vaya con dios. Next question. And you, sir, are ejected."

Using the second approach, the question would look like this: "Mr. President, could you take a look at this Mexican restaurant menu? I hate pointing at entrees or butchering the language. I mean, is there any way that I can fulfill my dream of going back to school to become minimally proficient in Spanish?"

Vote now, or come up with your own approach. You will be rewarded with an onslaught of shady, milquetoast testimonials, questions so asinine that they would make Craig Kilborn blush, and the sort disjointed discombulalia you've come to expect from the nation's CEO.

Posted by Norbizness at August 17, 2004 12:39 AM