July 05, 2004

This Post Is Not About Baseball

I don't think this is the guy, but he'll do.

I saw something over the weekend. It was video from a Boston sports talk radio show host, some order of bacon grease in a sweatshirt. This fat turd-wagon was literally screaming into the microphone about Nomar Garciaparra not playing in the last game of the recent Red Sox - Yankees series.

I mean, this oily shit-stain was into a full-on lather, something to the effect of "You do NOT sit out the last GAME of a rivalry SERIES, I don't care how SICK or BANGED-up you are!! I'm TALKING about the YANKEES here!!" And we're talking about a guy would probably get a coronary if he had to bend over too quickly to get a piece of roast-beef sandwich that fell out of his over-stuffed mouth during that meal that comes between lunch and afternoon office birthday cake, much less play baseball.

When it comes right down to it, that's why I love America. Obese, cretinous know-nothings getting paid 10 times a teacher's salary to discharge spittle into a mic guard for the benefit of a bunch of other fat, idiot ass-nuggets who, despite the best efforts of natural selection, are not starving or being devoured by predators or accidentally amputating their left arm with a circular saw.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with all this, but I think the next step involves cable news talk show hosts with GEDs being able to dismiss a Nobel lauerate's argument with a well-timed "Come ON!" and 99.3% of their audience thinking this means game, set, and match for the idiot blowhard. Stay tuned...




Posted by Norbizness at July 5, 2004 09:16 PM
Comments

Yay, America and its fat-hatred! You tell 'em, Norbizness! Spread that fine anti-fat bigotry!

Posted by: Elayne Riggs at July 5, 2004 10:21 PM

Hey, it's the frickin' YANKEES we're tawkin' about here! This says something important about our society. I dunno what it says, but I'm tellin' ya', it's IMPORTANT!

Posted by: QuakerinaBasement at July 5, 2004 10:33 PM

So...how about those 'stros?

(Finally! Finally, it means something. After all your poking me with a stick about the stRangers! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!) A

Posted by: Scott Chaffin at July 5, 2004 10:47 PM

I thought the same thing watching Joe Scarborough on television yesterday. Isn't our, like, species more advanced than this?

Posted by: Kriston at July 6, 2004 06:32 AM

Well, Elayne, you just had to see the original guy to appreciate the supreme hilarity of his lecturing professional athletes on their devotion to the competitive ideal.

Perhaps if I used "beefy, red-faced", it would have been a little more descriptive. I could have also said "angry white guy", but then I'd be a self-hatin' cracker.

Posted by: norbizness at July 6, 2004 07:40 AM

The heck with Norb's dismissal of fat people -- this blog has a serious problem with doody! 'Turd-wagon'? 'Shit-stain'? 'Ass-nuggets'? Hey, way to paint all Fecal-Americans with the same brush!

Speaking as a complete asshole, I'm offended.

Posted by: HWRNMNBSOL at July 6, 2004 09:33 AM

I usually eat extra Hostess Donettes in the morning and take lunch late so I can have afternoon birthday cake right afterwards. I bet that's what the radio guys do too, so they can save their roast beef sandwiches for something to snack on while waiting in the drive-thru at McDonald's on the way home.

Posted by: Kilgore Trout at July 6, 2004 02:09 PM

"Fecal-Americans."

Haw!

Posted by: QuakerinaBasement at July 6, 2004 05:42 PM

Norby, you just hit it out of the park - so to speak. Except for ex-players of whatever sport they are commenting on, can there be anything more hilarious or more ironic, than some pasty, doughy, no-idea-what-target-heartrate-is, guy commenting on the skills or committment of an honest-to-goodness athlete?

Brilliant!

Posted by: Charles2 at July 7, 2004 09:28 AM

That's Glen Ordway ("The Big O") from Sports Radio WEEI in Boston, by the way. The Boston sports media are a strange breed, and many others are calling for a Nomar trade.

Posted by: Dimmy Karras at July 7, 2004 10:33 AM

He sounds way smarter than Hannity.

Posted by: Social Scientist at July 7, 2004 01:54 PM

If you think Ordway is bad you should hear Gerry Callahan, in the morning. What a complete moron, a "bushie" in more ways than one.

Posted by: Derek Anderson at January 16, 2005 11:48 AM