May 28, 2004
That's Seven In Human Weblog Years
Happy-- apparently. Furry-- yes. Puppy-- large one. Story-- that it is.
Yes, it's this weblog's first birthday, when taking into account the old site. Thought I would entice your credulous eyes with a little something called official recognition; a proclamation from the august People's Republic of Austin City Council (don't bother looking for it, it's premium content):
"WHEREAS, prior to its arrival, the blogosphere was a vast, barren wasteland filled with inexplicably popular fucktards whose average post is eight words long, photo-shopped pictures of Michael Jackson, the word 'asshat' in every other sentence, and site after site that failed to recognize the sublime genius of Lorenzo Lamas; and
WHEREAS, captioning thumbnailed Yahoo! news photos is the highest art form known to man, apart from chocolate-smearing performance art; and
WHEREAS, the term "doughy pantload" was recently deemed by the Smithsonian Institute [ed: the Poor Man, actually] to be an indispensable addition to the American lexicon; and
WHEREAS, the voice of the white male thirtysomething who ingests and spews bad pop culture references is criminally under-represented on the Internet:
BE IT RESOLVED by those assembled that May 28th will hereafter be known as Hapless Mangy Kitten Lying Press Conference Day. [ed: I think they got their information from NTodd] The proprietor of this completely dispensable website shall be awarded a 50 cents off coupon for a large Thundercloud Sub and a temporary restraining order preventing him from stalking Naomi Watts after her tearful breakup with Heath Ledger."
Now it's your turn. Add a WHEREAS, tell me what an integral role this weblog provides in your everyday life, give a shout-out to HFPST on your exponentially more popular site, offer some constructive criticism that I can delete with extreme prejudice, whatever floats your boat. Go nuts. The floor is yours. Please, make me look like I command some sort of following, I beg of you. In the words of Herbert Kornfeld or Sir Loin, Do It 4 Tha Shortiez.
I remember hearing somewhere, recently, that for a large number of 20- and 30-somethings, Jon Stewart and the Daily Show represents their sole dosage of the news of the day.
This blog isn't quite my sole source for the op-ed pages (as I have a life), but it's pretty close.
Good job on a great blog.
WHEREAS, white male thirtysomethings with too much knowledge of pop culture will be able to chuckle knowingly at their desks over obscure references to things from their early adulthood that are somehow relevant to the current geopolitical climate.
Did you really need to throw in a Herb Kornfeld? That muthafucka is more played than those bitches in accounts payabo and their multi-colored post-its.
Posted by: Steve at May 28, 2004 01:10 AMOh, one more thing...Any chance you can get Schooly D to record some sort of HFPST birthday song?
Posted by: Steve at May 28, 2004 01:11 AMHappy birthday! Will the Ramones be playing at your party?
Posted by: Sadly, No! at May 28, 2004 03:11 AMI read you everyday, man, keeps me off the streets. Mostly.
Posted by: Ubik at May 28, 2004 05:18 AMThis blog is like the brother I never had. Well, actually I have three brothers, but none of them watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Happy Birthday, Happy Furry Puppy Time. Never die, like my last happy furry puppy, okay?
Posted by: s.z. at May 28, 2004 05:25 AMHAPPY HAPPY to the first blog I turn to when I need a chuckle ... or to rip off content.
Posted by: roxanne at May 28, 2004 08:22 AMHFSPT is on the QED like MST (3000)
Norbizness sha'nizzle
The fundies feel ill'zille
All playas and ho's agree
He's got three hands to blog
No thumbnail too esoteruc to flog
Now shake your rhumba and give him the do re mi!
(gotta work on my flow)
Posted by: paperpusher at May 28, 2004 08:28 AMCongrats!
Posted by: Ted at May 28, 2004 08:59 AMHappy Blogbirth Day!
Posted by: salvage at May 28, 2004 09:12 AMWHEREAS thanks to HFPST American productivity is continuing to decline, thereby increasing employment since companies need more people to do the same work.
Happy Birthday!
WHEREAS the semiological perils of 'dehumiliation and redignification' would elsewise go unexamined by the masses....
Happy Happy FPST Day!
Posted by: Pwylla at May 28, 2004 10:06 AMWHEREAS, Humpy Freaky Pappy Sorry Tale is wicked funny and stuff, we, um...well happy freaking blogoversary.
Posted by: NTodd at May 28, 2004 10:09 AMWell, I'm here, but I'm not going to say anything nice. I'm just going to sit here and scowl.
*scowls*
Posted by: The Editors at May 28, 2004 10:25 AMMazeltov!
Posted by: mac at May 28, 2004 10:53 AMWHEREAS, not enough grown men view the phrase "I must get back to DanzCentrum in Stuttgart in time to see Kraftwerk" less as a "Simpsons" reference and more as a directive of the most urgent priority.
Happy b-day. man.
Posted by: Pete at May 28, 2004 10:54 AMWHEREAS there are no other continuously operating websites that openly advocate the establishment of yuppie reservations in the heartland for the protection of the rest of the populace,
BE IT RESOLVED that I will continue to read this site every goddamn day until that dream is realized.
Happy berfday! You're in Austin, go make like Jenna Bush and get yourself a Chuy's margarita.
Posted by: sw at May 28, 2004 11:55 AMWHEREAS, the subtle behavior modification of the masses through the recycling of obscure media output and the addition of clever context is recognized for its benefit to society in general, excluding as is our want the homeless, and to persons in between porn perusal in particular,
WHEREAS, semi-obscure Simpsons references are recognized as an integral part of our cultural heritage, ducks are required to wear long pants, and spiritous beverages are outlawed under penalty of catapult,
Posted by: farfetched at May 28, 2004 12:27 PMWHEREAS there are sadly few bloggers who recognize the intrinsic merit of combining searing political commentary with obscure Superman quotes, WHEREAS there should be admirable recognition when a blogger successfully merges paens celebrating obscure actors of the thirtysomething generation with photoshopped gold highlighting the dubious foibles of our fearless misleaders, and WHEREAS not enough people who aren't lawyers recognize the value of a good "whereas" clause, I hereby declare this Huzzah For Norbizness Day - because otherwise I'd have a lot less entertainment to complement the actual work in my workday.
Congrats.
Posted by: lawgeekgurl at May 28, 2004 01:30 PMHappy Furry Puppy Story Time: your Minimum Daily Requirement of snark.
-- BadTux the Un-snarky Penguin
I am constantly amazed by the sheer number of non-half-assed postings on HFPST. It makes me ashamed of the piddling offerings I give my own readers (or reader).
Also it makes me suspect that Norbizbess is actually penned by Hollywood heartthrob George Clooney or his butler.
Posted by: Ian at May 28, 2004 02:05 PMWHEREAS I'm too lame to come up with something clever here, let it be known that I wish you a very happy blog birthday. Now go have a beer and make some snarky remarks during the TNT "Law and Order" marathon this weekend.
Posted by: Charles Kuffner at May 28, 2004 02:07 PMWHEREAS the indomitable, scathing smart-assedness of HFPST consistently delights and amuses its more staid readers,
BE IT THEREFORE RESOLVED that Norbizness be hailed as King of Snark, and herewith be celebrated on his one year blogiversary.
Or something.
So much love, so little time for responses:
(1) HWRNMNBSOL: Good god almighty, what an awesome and terrifying responsibility I have;
(2) Steve: I am trying to get EPMD to record a song called "Norbizness, Never Personal";
(3) Sadly, No: not too many of those guys left. Just Zeppo and Hans Ramone;
(4) Ubik: I thought that was called a "court order";
(5) s.z.: You can have my younger brother, he likes ATHF as well. And I'm never going out, unless somebody Christopher Lamberts my dome;
(6) Roxanne: Ripping off people is the great American pasttime, right behind baseball and bombing shit back into the Stone Age;
(7) Paperpusher: Your flow is like the Guadalupe after a 5-year drought;
(8) Ted, Salvage, NTodd, Editors, Mac: Generic thanks.
(9) Chris: Those subs won't toast themselves;
(10) Pwylla: Semiwhatnow? Don't dis Snoop Tommy Tomm!
(11) Pete: Ja, Ja, mach schnell mit ze paintinz.
(12) SW: It's a beautiful dream, isn't it? I mean, being able to afford a margarita at Chuy's, that overpriced dumphole.
(13) Farfetched: Don't let me interrupt you too long on your voyage to the Cher webcam.
(14) Lawgeekgurl: Actual work is for chumps (see #9)
(15) BadTux: There's a fine line between snark and open contempt. Keep me on the straight and narrow.
(16) Ian: I am, truth be told, Andrew McCarthy, and I work as George Clooney's chaffeur.
(17) Charles: Haven't we already seen every single L&O episode 14.3 times laready?
(18) Hope: I suspect that will go over as well as Michael Jackson declaring himself "The King of Sleepovers".
Thanks everybody.
Posted by: norbizness at May 28, 2004 02:49 PMI used to have that book, long, long ago...
Posted by: hardindr at May 28, 2004 04:10 PMWHEREAS, having defined and raised the genre of the "Caption Contest" to a state of subliminiitnity worthy of the canon;
WHEREAS, upon dominating all competitors in one such "Caption Contest" of Foreign Origins;
WHEREAS, after showing extraordinary patience and wherewithal in anticipation of the well-earned and advertised Prize;
BE IT RESOLVED that I'm going to send the fucking thing if it kills me.
Posted by: Kriston at May 28, 2004 07:01 PMWhereas this is my first visit here, we now have two reasons to celebrate. Your first blogaversary, and my discovery of yet another 'winner' blog.
Hot damn break out the tequila!
There's a Cher webcam?! I'm off....
Posted by: farfetched at May 29, 2004 05:43 AMyou're still upset about that open thread, aren't you?
Posted by: paperpusher at May 29, 2004 09:09 AM"Lesser artists borrow. Great ones steal."
Posted by: roxanne at May 29, 2004 10:45 AMHappy belated blogiversary, Norbizness!
Posted by: Elayne Riggs at May 29, 2004 06:08 PMEveryone has to have something or someone to aspire to (towards?).
I aspire to be as cutting-edge, well, as cutting, really but never manage to pull it off. Thanks for giving me something to aspire about.
This is me. . .aspiring about.
Hell, that didn't come off right, did it? Happy Blogiversary, Norby. Really.