May 24, 2004

(Low Whistling Sound)

Select your shorter Bush address at the Army War College, to be viewed primarily by Scarborough Country diehards:

(1) "Hi, what's up? Despite what you've heard, things are lookin' good. Sure, there are challenges. Duh. We're at war." (The Fanatical Apathy pre-speech option)

(2) "Meet the new plan, same as the old plan."

(3) "And the newly sovereign Iraq may ask themselves: How do I work this? And they may ask themselves: Where does that self-determination go to? And they may tell themselves: these are not my beautiful troops... these are not my beautiful private consultants..."

(4) The "no questions, thank you" option:

Wiggum: OK, we can all stop worrying now. These dogs never fail.
Mr. Van Houten: But...will they just find Milhouse, or will they find him and kill him?
Wiggum: Well, they'll -- when they find him, they'll, um -- [mumbles something incomprehensible]
Mr. Van Houten: Uh, excuse me. You didn't answer me. You just trailed off.
Wiggum: Yeah...yeah, I did kind of trail off, there, didn't I? Heh.

(5) "Abu Gahr-eye-ib. Abu Greeb. Abu Dhabi." Almost recalls legendary drunken Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray butchering Hideki Irabu's name (real audio link about two-thirds of the way down the page).

(6) Conclusion (almost verbatim): September 11th, orange alert, ricin, dirty bomb, Madrid trains, bank in Istanbul, synagogue in Tunis, nightclub in Bali, Mosul, Karbala, Baghdad, we didn't seek the war on terror, keep focused, do our duty, history is moving, hope or tragedy, terrorists are mind and soul-eaters, exporting violence, weapons of mass destruction, blackmail. However, we're all about exporting freedom (in Africa?). Safety through hope. The nightmare of the Taliban is over. Same battle in Iraq. My fellow Americans, we will perservere.

Post-speech commentary by Biden: nothing new, the Iraqi forces will take three years to train, who is spending the money, who controls the American forces? None of the questions asked in Congress were answered (and he feels bad in saying this). He should have addressed (1) what does sovereignty mean? can the Iraqi government say no to military action? (2) what is the security for the 1000-strong U.S. Embassy? (3) what happens if they ask us to leave? (4) will there be civil war?

He should immediately call a summit of NATO allies. Our legitimacy has been squandered. It's July 1st, and the people will wake up to find that nothing has been changed. Will the government be in a position to pacify the Iraqi people? It's still American lives, money, and forces without concrete assurances from anyone else. (Needless to say, I don't think he was impressed).




Posted by Norbizness at May 24, 2004 07:40 PM
Comments

You should always include a footnote on song references so people don't have to search to find them. Some of the obssessive compulsives need to connect the dots before sleep is possible.

My local NPR station said they were going to cover it, but they ran World Cafe instead quelle formage.

Posted by: Bryan at May 24, 2004 10:28 PM

Oh, it was just "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who and "Iraqi Sovereignty Subterranean Blues"... er... "Once in a Lifetime" by the Talking Heads.

And watch it with that French... er... freedomspeak!

Posted by: norbizness at May 24, 2004 10:36 PM

After due deliberation we are approaching the point at which the Bob Dylan will have to be unloosed again on the world, Talking Heads isn't going to get it.

Unfortunately the intervening 40 years means it won't be nearly as powerful, and I really sick of watching the cycle return to that period of political pestilence.

BTW the French was something that I have always used to annoy French teachers: it should be quelle domage what a shame, rather than "what cheese".

Posted by: Bryan at May 25, 2004 02:11 AM

Fuck you, man.

This is not my beautiful wife.

Posted by: Ubik at May 25, 2004 05:12 AM

I couldn't bear to watch him - facial road rash or not. So I'm glad you did such an admirable job of paraphrasing, Norbizness. Thank you for saving a last shred of my sanity...

I loved the musical allusions, BTW!

Posted by: Charles2 at May 25, 2004 09:14 AM

Bush can't ride a bike or a Segway. His 'plan' for a post-Saddam Iraq simply reaffirms that he can't look or think two steps ahead.

Posted by: Tim at May 25, 2004 09:30 AM

For the sake of the record, it was the elder Bush that fell from the Segway.

The current Bush did, however, choke on a pretzel.

Posted by: Brandon at May 25, 2004 12:28 PM