Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness

Nah, keep it up.

"Upon my word of honor, I will never try to emulate a passe or banal mode of communication."

Ah yeah!

But surely you have already seen the Latin translation of Baby Got Back:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/quislibet/164084.html

Yeah, but I forgot!

The next line for a couple:
2. "...Peace officers are desiring to cause my residence to be invaded and destroyed by others of their type."
4. "...One could observe Jonathan Davis perceiving by ear authentic inner-city poetry set to music. Jonthan's father would state it made him recollect the style of music popularized by Dizzy Gillespie and Charlie Parker."

And a couple more for fun:
"...this is a wry observation on my part, I had intoxicating spirits, she had the Tetrahydrocannabinol, the Los Angeles basketball team bettered their opponents from Seattle."

An old favorite that seems pertinent today, although I won't translate the lyrics that could get you in trouble with the secret service.

"Indeed, mercifulness is beginning to wane, as the nation established by the United Kingdom around the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers has not ever referred to me by an offensive term referring to one of African descent."

This is fun, but I'm tired. How about translating Nirvana lyrics into hip-hop next time?

I'd have more fun translating Rush lyrics into hiphop. Let's give pretension some street cred!

"Mr. Presley is well regarded by a broad majority, but I hold him in low esteem. He did not hide his tendency to judge people on the basis of inappropriate and offensive criteria, clearly. Indeed, I sincerely wish ill will upon both him and "the Duke" (so called)."

Rod: "Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me, you see, a straight up racist, simple and plain-- motherfuck him and John Wayne." (Public Enemy, Fight the Power) I've actually done that one at a party.

As for He Who Remains Nameless Monday Night Baseball Shit Outta Luck's suggestion, I don't think I can do that without seriously embarrassing myself and causing some sort of cross-cultural incident.

Although, if you'd like to try, I would suggest "But they're marching to Bastille Day / the guillotine will claim her bloody prize / free the dungeons of the innocent / the king will kneel, and let his kingdom rise." But in what style? Free-flowing De La Soul? Street-toughened Eric B. and Rakim? Nursery school-quality Jay-Z?

Elvis was a hero to most, but he never meant shit to me, you see, a straight up racist, simple and plain-- motherfuck him and John Wayne.

that is the BEST rap lyric ever.

Cast your gaze over here Parrish, the male sexual organ is taking on the characteristics of a german luxury car.

It is resembling a fine german luxury car like who?

The one that has sexual relations with his birth parent, Kurt Gowdy.

Here's the best rap lyric. Ice Cube's "Bird in the Hand" (a "bird" is a kilo of coke) off the "Death Certificate" album:
*****************
So now you put the feds against me,
Cuz I couldn’t follow the plan of the presidency,
I’m never givin’ love again,
Cuz blacks are too fuckin broke to be republican,
Now I remember I used to be cool,
Till I stopped fillin’ out my W-2,
Now senators are gettin’ hired,
And your plan against the ghetto backfired,
So now you got a pep talk,
But sorry’ this is our only room to walk,
Cause we don’t want a drug push,
But a bird in the hand,
Is worth more than a Bush."

Or Maybe The Coup's "Pimps" off "Genocide and Juice" (this lyric sang by Boots Riley pretending to be a rich white guy "J.P. Getty"):
*************************
The motherfucker gangsta rolling Fleetwood Caddy,
I'm that mack ass already pimped his daddy,
Let you out like linoleum floors,
I'm getting rich off petroleum wars,
Controlling you whores,
Making you eat top ramen while I eat shrimp, Y'all motherfuckas are simps,
I'm just a pimp.

By the way, if you're a liberal rap lover, you gotta get all The Coup's work. They're the only avowedly-liberal rap group.

A couple of their song titles: "5 Million Ways to Kill a CEO", "Me and Jesus the Pimp in a '79 Granada Last Night".

Well, personally, I hope there is another installment of transformed rap lyrics. I'll never think of Sir Mix-a-Lot the same again!

Oh man! I used to do this in English class back in high school. It was such fun. As such, I was able to get all but 6 and 7.

Here are a few more:

"A low-pitched sound! What is the deepest level to which you are capable of descending?"

"You would be in grave error to suggest that I have returned, for, in fact, my presence has been continuous over a significant amount of time."

"Please cease all activity immediately. Work closely with a group of your peers and lend me your ears." (hm, this one even accidentally rhymed.)

Bass! How low can you go?

Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years.

Stop, colloborate and listen! (whew, "Ice Ice Baby" is almost to me what "Come Sail Away" is to Cartman; sometimes I am compelled to finish the entire song)

Aight.

Howzabout:

Copulate the gendarmes,
No bends taken from the sub-level,
Pre age-of-consent African American having troubles because of tint,

I've been daydreaming about writing a "If bloggers were MCs" post for a long time, but Henry Farrell said that he'd break my legs if I did it on Crooked Timber. Feel free to run with it.

"Ms. Jackson, please accept my credentials and apology. My actions toward your child were untoward especially considering the pursuant emotional devastation they clearly wrought. I am aware that any apology so levelled, no matter how many times proffered, cannot compensate for the injury."

"It is a tortuous process to craft a verse in a temporaneously favorable fashion, yea, 'tis tortuous."

"My mother inveiged upon me to render you unconscious; please be aware that such action is imminent."

Gentlemen, are you aware, are you watching?
Hey nonny nonny we enjoy a festival atmosphere.
We prefer not to create a stir; nor to molest our neighbors,
We are... merely some gentlemen empowered to speak with amplification,
And when we commence to versifying in this fashion,
We truly versify in this fashion. Verily!

New school!

""You can locate me in the Salon, with a jereboam of Champagne. Do know, Ma'am, that I am able to obtain 3,4 Methylene-dioxy-N-methylamphetamine should you so desire, and I decidedly prefer copulation to courtship. Please do not hesitate to make yourself proximate to me if you find enjoyment in physical intensity."

The preferred method of achieving my goals is a Kalishnakov-pattern rifle,

Yet I ask you not cause me to engage in otherwise embarassing or counterproductive behaviors,

You and I would likely grapple in close combat,

And on a consistent basis am victorious in other such contests,

Using other measures of elapsed time, even the most ignorant of citizens would ideally conclude my city of origin is Compton, California

And those same citizens would most assuredly choose to avoid conflict with me, inasmuch as I am from Compton

When I do leave Compton, and might find myself in your city of origin, do please find a way to place your vital bits out of the immediate danger I may represent,

As I am extraordinarily mentally challenged and, therefore, highly unpredictable.

---------------------------------------------------------------
AK-47 is the tool
Don't make me act the motherfuckin fool
Me you can go toe to toe, no maybe
I'm knockin niggaz out tha box, daily
yo weekly, monthly and yearly
until them dumb motherfuckers see clearly
that I'm down with the capital C-P-T
Boy you can't fuck with me
So when I'm in your neighborhood, you better duck
Coz Ice Cube is crazy as fuck

I knew this rang a bell: Something Awful did something similar a while back.

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=472

For some reason, "The Wu-Tang Clan really should be left undisturbed" hit me just right.

I always preferred "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothin' to Sneeze At".

I actually went insane and did this sort of thing for three full-length songs: http://www.ludickid.com/070503.htm